I have the power

I don’t mean to alarm anyone, but I have been given the ability to make some significant changes to the world in which we live. It’s not quite as drastic as if I was given access to The Button, but it’s close. Again, I do not mean to alarm anyone; and, rest assured, I will only use my power for good.

I have been given the keys to the castle.

More specifically, I have been asked to temporarily join…wait for it…the Nielsen family! I know…you’re jealous.

I’ve been given an appropriately named TV Viewing Diary with the request that I record every single program that I watch for more than five minutes over the next week. For my troubles, and as a “token of our appreication” I will gladly accept the enclosed five, crisp, one-dollar bills and faithfully record my many hours of watching MASH, Crossing Over with John Edwards, The Other Half, Sponge Bob Square Pants, and of course, Oprah. (OK, in reality only Mash…and, err, Sponge Bob)

It makes sense, really, that I might be chosen, seeing as my slothfulness has reached rather impressive proportions after being laid-off. Of course, the Nielsen’s will wonder how I can watch so much daytime TV, and still claim to work 40 hours per week, ’cause I’ll be damned if I’m going to tell them I have nothing better to do.

At any rate, due to my efforts, expect to see more re-runs of the Golden Girls like you’ve all been clamoring for…