The cable on my headphones is markedly shorter on the left side than it is on the right, which I believe it Phillips attempt at being “hip”. Look! The cable doesn’t hang symmetrically! How awesome is that?

Actually, I believe the idea is so that I can loop the cables behind my neck instead of having them dangle in front, and then still have the main cable going to my iPod I am theoretically holding in my hand.

Or something. It doesn’t matter.

The point is, my radius of head-reach is dictated by the shorter cable (the left. Which, for simplicities sake will now be called TLCPFMH (The Left Cable Protruding From My Headphones). With all headphones in their proper ears, I have a pretty fair range of motion around my computer (to which the headphones are often plugged). I can sort of hunch-stand by my desk if I hear a loud scary noise, I can turn around to throw things at co-workers, I can even do a little chair jig when that awesome new Kelly Clarkson song comes on. What I can’t do, though, is switch.
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When I inadvertently put the TLCPFMH in my right ear, things change dramatically. I’m now like what’s her face in that movie about the Phat Greek Wedding. She’s walking with a headset on and get’s reverse clothes-lined. You know what I mean. Put some Windex on it.

All this means to me is that my head is so depressingly huge that it’s very width cuts my range of motion down from chair jig to stoic reserve.

Oh, and that god hates me.

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