Fan mail

Hooray! I have some haters:

Crappyjokehater@aol.com:
You know what? I’m all about freedom of speech, but your shitty jokes are UNBELIEVABLE. Do you realize how retarded you sound with this lame material? I’m sorry, but as you can tell by my email address, i just can’t tolerate this kind of thing. If you want some pointers on really funny shit, you can email me aNY TIME. It’ll do you (and your poor unentertained readers) good.

ariallova@yahoo.com
WHAT THE FUCK IS AN ADG????????? DON"T USE BOOT ACRONYMS THAT RETARDED PEOPLE LIKE LINDA WON"T UNDERSTAND!!!

Anonymous
BOOOOOOT!!!!!!!!!

Strokemehared@aol.cum:
Who cares what you did NO ONE!!!!!

Your life is super boring. You can at least lie a little bit just to make it more interesting. I’m with Lucifer on his(?) prior comment on the horrendous jokes. However I think that you can also add a few lies, spice it up a bit. Tell us how many times do you masterbate in a day? What gets you off? How often do you get laid? Have you ever been convicted of a crime? Do you smoke illeagal substances? ANYTHING!! AT ALL, MAN!! The only interesting part of your journal are the comments. LIE TO US!!!

Sandi
Um,like whatever who cares
I’m easy.
I’ll cum…i mean come to you wherever you live
443-243-4100
CALL ME! YOU ARE SOOO HOT!!
I AM TOO!!

So that’s pretty cool. It’s good to get reminders about how the reason I get all of this advertising money, these sponsorships, and this really amazing tax-deferred stipend is because I’m paid to entertain the masses. I had forgotten that once I’d stopped doing whatever the hell I wanted and begain to draw a serious salary, I had the additional obligation to perform like the monkey I am.

My only real solace comes from the knowledge that my most appreciated and honest critics, though valuable, will never return what with my overwhelming suckitude. Ce la vie.

PS ADG is short for A.D.G. Water Gardens, my favorite water lilly and mini-pond accessories supplier. With A.D.G. Water Gardens, “You can have your own heaven on earth; providing peace, serenity, and family enjoyment year-round!”