Author Archives: DAK

Microwaveable food always says to “stir once halfway through cooking cycle” or some such, and I never do. That’s just the kind of f-ing rebel I am.

I had the most awesome Bachelor-Morning today. Not only did I wake up to find that I had no more clean underwear, (forcing me to wear yesterday’s pair) but, I also discovered, upon shoving a spoonful of cereal in my … Continue reading →

This whole blogging thing is bringing me one step closer to manifesting my imaginary friend into a “real” person. Instead of talking out loud to no one, I can write these little snippets of conversation to Eric as if he … Continue reading →

Why doesn’t super-glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Actually, I know the answer, but I don’t care to share it, so the rest of you may continue working it out amongst yourselves. I’ll give you a hint though, … Continue reading →

Instructions for using a toothpick: Insert pointed end between the teeth near the base of the tooth, then move vertically away from the gums, toward the top of one’s teeth, to clean the length of the gap.

Have you ever had one of those days where you try to stay mercifully under the radar and just stare at your computer screen, pushing the Send/Receive button on your e-mail every 45 seconds? It’s amazing just how much time … Continue reading →

Going through my mail… too awesome to pass up: >>Dear Friend,Great News! The 13 Free Issues Certificate enclosed is guaranteed to bring you 13 Free Issues of MAXIM. Why? Because MAXIM is written for you. Especially for guys like you. … Continue reading →

For some reason, I decided to order call-waiting. I had purposely not had it in order to save the whopping $3.00/month because, as I’m sure my mother told you, every cent counts. Perhaps I was feeling inadequate because everyone else … Continue reading →

I consider it a bit of a minor miracle that I can be a complete and utter couch potato without actually ever owning one.

I totally just got the awesome heavy-breathing phone call. Here’s a rough translation:*ring ring*Me: Hello?Her: Hi.M: Hi.H: How are you?M: Fine, how are you?H: Good, what’s your name?M: Dave, what’s yours?H: Anything you want it to be.M: oh really?H: yes … Continue reading →