floorpie

A while ago (14 seconds), I had a question for the Internet.

“Internet,” I said, “Which word is better: shit-storm or brick-house?” And here is what she said.

via brainsluice

By the way

Have you ever been ensnared by the show Elimidate? It’s basically like Survivor for dating. Three guys go out with one girl (or vice versa) at the same time, and are gradually elimintaed, until one “true love” remains. Flipping during Olympics commercials, I rested temporarily on an episode featuring a beautiful young woman being wooed by a college football player, playa with a clothing line, and a K-Mart Regional Manager.

In true stereotypical form, the football player introduced himself to the camera thusly (note: he was also black):

“I’m like a chocolate-covered strawberry. On the outside, it’s all sweet chocolate. And on the inside…it’s strawberry.”

sigh

I went to the gym today. This would be staggeringly surprising to you if you knew me. Typically, I am vehemently opposed to repetitive exercise…and even more commonly, you can replace “repetitive” with “any”. I just can’t quell the brain-activity enough to walk/ride/step/lift in place for an hour. So, I am forced to turn to exercise that I can disguise as “fun”, like mountain biking, hiking, and basketball.

It also helps to be irrational enough to think you’ll start “seriously working out, like 4 days a week”, if things start to get really bad.

Dear Dave,

I was thinking of becoming unemployed via lay-off or firing. Do you think this is a good idea?

-Confused in Waco

Dear Confused,

If you take my advice (and I think you will), I would recommend not becoming unemployed. “Why?” you wonder. Well, because Confused, you may then come across recruiters like this; and frankly, no one should have to deal with that

-Dave

Meanwhile, back at the ranch…

I’m sufficiently flabbergasted that anyone (let alone 14 people as of this writing) would join the brilliantly sardonic DAK fan club that Ariel set up.

The fact that people are participating is even more shocking.

I bought my first wife beater today…oh sorry, I mean “ribbed tank”. I’ve been ardently resisting my whole life, but the v-necks just don’t dip low enough for my sweet disco stylz. I plan on keeping one pristine, and smearing the other with cheetos finger prints and motor oil…should I ever have a need for something like that.

Also: don’t ask, but do look.

UPDATE

This is getting out of hand.

Knight Rider…

A shadowy flight into the dangerous world of a man who does not exist…

Michael Knight, a young loner on a crusade to champion the cause of the innocent, the helpless, the powerless in a world of criminals who operate above the law…

OK, so usually I just put these 80’s shows references up randomly, and without additional comment; leading you to think that I’m weird…which I am. However, listening to the theme song made me laugh enough to want to post it, and, this just defies explanation.

UPDATE

As noted by Ariel, Wil and I are both having Knight Rider dreams.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: my dad is hilarious. Talking to my parents today about my dad’s impending visit, in which he will digress a bit from his planned TDY (military-speak for “business trip”), this snippet occurred:

Mom: Are you making big plans for your dad’s visit?

Me: (audibly smirking) Riiiight. We unemployed people are always making the big plans. I figure we can stand around despondently downtown together.

Dad: Do you think you can get another cardboard box for me by then? Try and keep it dry until I get there?

Me: I don’t see why not…we’ll have to keep an eye on it when we go to dinner, though…

Dad: Would that be at Saint Mary’s or Sacred Heart?

Me: Saint Mary’s, they have better soup.

Dad: Really? What flavor?

Me: Well, it’s not so much the flavor as it is the warmth…

Dad: Ah, more of a broth, then?

Mom: Now stop it you two, that’s not funny!

And we laughed and laughed and laughed…

I filed my taxes this week, and, I will happily be getting a refund.

However, that refund will be $300 less than it normally would be due to the “tax adjustment” the Bush administration gave us all earlier this (tax) year. I wouldn’t have normally realized this, if my return hadn’t been temporarily rejected for not acocunting for said rebate. What then, you ask, was the point of the refund in the first place? It would seem it was primarily for propaganda, and, that’s just sad. I wonder, for all of you people that got teh refund and owe money…is that $300 marked as a deficit for you, too?

Testing, testing, 1…2…3…

Decided to test out the ol’ ankle today. I strapped on my ankle brace, laced up my shoes, and grabbed my basketball for the first time in 4 weeks. I took it relatively easy, shooting some lopsided jumpshots, keeping cuts to a minimum, wobbling after caromed balls instead of sprinting.

Two Advils later, I now know to hold off on entering that tango contest for a few more weeks…but there’s progress all the same!

Inspired by odd todd

It’s weird being one of Those Guys.

Those Guys were always the ones that were in the restaurant when you came in for lunch, and were still there when you left. They read the paper for hours on end, write in their little books, stare off blankly into space from time to time, and generally don’t seem to be in a hurry to get anywhere. Those Guys, you now know, are the unemployed masses, of which I am now a card-carrying member.

It’s literally as if I am the axis of a little world…not because I am the all-important center, rather because existence moves around me, while I remain still.

Then again, I could be languishing in another meeting…

In a fit of masochism, I visited the Silicon Valley’s most reverent altar to the god Capitalism: Fry’s Electronics.

I walked up and down the aisles, browsing for the things I could no longer have: assorted software, that bigger and nerdier monitor, PSII games, CD’s, that DVD of Singles that people keep telling me to get, etc. Then I went up and down the appliance aisles, looking at the assorted items with my now stagnating product design eye; critiquing the various designs, figuring out their manufacturing costs and estimating their piece price.

A million coffee makers and this one claims to have “aroma control”. If only that were actually true…

Things I didn’t know prior to today, that I have now learned and retained with interest.

Also known as: a fun fact

An abbreviation is the shortening of a word or collection of words, such as: “ex.” for “example”

An acronym is an abbreviation of a collection of words, made by taking the first letter of each word of a phrase, and that forms a word. For instance: “SCUBA” for Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus is an acronym, whereas “DoD” for Department of Defense is only an abbreviation.

Therefore, any shortening of a word or phrase is an abbreviation, but not necessarily an acronym.

There is some contention with these definitions, and it seems that the more colloquially accepted definition of acronym is: any collection of letters made from the first letters of the words in a phrase, whether or not they form a pronounceable word. Apparently, though, only those abbreviations that form actual words are strictly considered acronyms.

So there you go. Discuss.

Also, a blog is supposed to link to other people or things from time to time, so let me pay my dues.

A couple blogs I’ve been skulking in for the last few months:

volatile.org is the blog of a painfully beautiful and articulate girl, who’s travel stories alone could keep me enthralled for years.

tonypierce.com is beautiful in an entirely different way. An alma mater of my, errr, alma mater, and creator of a blog with fascinating lies.