floorpie

When guys in the mens’ restroom wash their hands, they get water everywhere. It doesn’t matter if you find yourself in the Ritz Carlton, or in some roadside gas station, you are guaranteed to find water around the sink, on the counter, on the floor, on the mirror, on the bowl…everywhere.

When you’re 6′ tall the edge of the counter hits you about a half-a-dozen inches below the waist.

When you lean in towards the mirror to take a closer look at that zit on your nose, you get the most interesting spots on your pants that are even more interesting to try to explain.

Mr. Dave’s Wild Ride

Having never been to Tahoe (’cause Mr. Dave is from SoCal), Mr. Dave’s friend, Heather, decided that he absolutely had to go. So they did. When they got there, there was much oooh-ing, and also some awww-ing, and more than a little bit of oh-my-ing.

“Lake Tahoe is very beautiful,” said Mr. Dave.

“Yes, it is,” said Heather.

Mr. Dave and Heather then decided to play in the water. They scampered over some rocks and saw a Playboy-worthy, naked woman (who Heather failed to see, but Mr. Dave saw plenty of) with a naked stud guy (who Mr. Dave failed to see, but Heather saw plenty of). They scampered over some other rocks to another place. Heather handed Mr. Dave some of her clothes. As Mr. Dave turned around, a key fell out of the clothes and into the lake. It was a key to the car.

Oh my.

While Mr. Dave was fishing around in the rocks for the lost key, he slipped and tore off the nail of his big toe. Ouch!

Volkswagen would not help Mr. Dave. AAA would not help Mr. Dave. A nice lady in Tahoe helped Mr. Dave very much and a locksmith helped open the car. Mr. Dave rented another car and he and Heather drove allllllll the way back to Silicon Valley to get the spare key. They went to sleep.

The next day, they drove allllll the way back to Tahoe with the spare key. Uh-oh, the 80 was closed due to it being on fire, they’ll have to go around via the 50. Mr. Dave and Heather think this is a very scenic drive with a lot of trees and nature. Some of the nature comes into the window and stings Heather. Ouch!

7 hours later, they are back where they started. Mr. Dave turns in his rental car late and gets to pay for a whole extra day. Mr. Dave and Heather head back home. The 80 is still closed because of the forest fire, guess they’ll have to take the 50 again.

Hmmm, the 50 is closed because of a big-rig accident. There are no other roads between Lake Tahoe and Silicon Valley. Mr. Dave begins to curse quietly. Mr. Dave and Heather turn off the car and Mr. Dave pantomimes rockets and missiles and lasers blowing up all of the cars. Mr. Dave and Heather laugh. Mr. Dave laughs maybe a little too much, and with a weird smile on his face.

One hour later, the traffic starts moving again and Mr. Dave and Heather drive allllll the way back to Silicon Valley. Mr. Dave just got back home and he is very tired.

Mr. Dave also just realized how annoying it must be that he keeps referring to himself as Mr. Dave.

Before there were cell-phones, did you ever think that something like that would be as useful as it is? Personally, I can’t live without my cell-phone, and find myself on it several times every day. Of course, when I get that brain tumor I won’t be able to live with it, either…

Hmmmm…as per this previous post, I seem to be getting very near my goal…

I generally pretty much loathe going to the market. It has nothing to do with clinical food-hatred, or fear of produce. Instead, it has to do with wasting time. When doing my real, once every two weeks shopping, I’ve never been able to blow in ‘n out of a grocery store in less than an hour, and I just can’t help thinking that I might be missing something important (you know, like Oprah).

Having said that, I do enjoy quickly grabbing just a few essentials from the market when I find myself right next to it while getting gas, or, buying duct tape at the hardware store. This way I can sustain myself for months, never having to actually burn some serious free-time all in one chunk, buying a few things here, a few things there…

Another reason I enjoy this method so much is that it produces random combinations of essential items. For instance, last night I absolutely had to have toilet paper and tortillas. You’ve just got to wonder about someone’s priorities when all they have to buy at 11:00 PM is toilet paper and tortillas…

Sorry, sorry, you may have noticed that I haven’t been posting as much as usual, lately. This is almost entirely because of work (sigh). 90% of the time I am actually working offsite, and, am consequently too buried to blog. Besides which, they would all go almost exactly like this:

Sorry, sorry, you may have noticed that I haven’t been posting as much as usual, lately. This is almost entirely because of work (sigh). 90% of the time I am actually working offsite, and, am too buried to blog.

Hmmmm.

Besides which, my parents have been visiting me this last week, which has taken up any of the remaining free time I had (in a good way, mom, in a good way).

So, I still owe vacation pics, though I notice that Meg still owes her adoring fans pics from her trip to Bali in February. Perhaps I’m actually ahead of the game.

Recent happenings that I could have turned into witty blogs if given more time:

– ordering a couch from IKEA

– buying new basketball shoes

– the PalmaSutra

– aforementioned Green Day, and how friggin’ old I am

– adventures in IM’ing

– that one guy that did the one thing…man that was hilarious

Just got back from seeing Green Day at Bill Graham. Absolutely awesome. Highlights include the guy who jumped off the second floor balcony, to then crowd surf to the stage and play Billy’s guitar for a song…oh, and the music was hip, too.

The operator may be replaced by an automated loading/unloading system such as a robot. – product documentation for a gasket installation system

White House Says the U.S. Is Not a Loner, Just Choosy

The White House further stated that the US is a great catch, has it’s own job, own car, has interesting things to say, is not a piece of meat, and should be treated as the unique and special country that it is.

Sitting in the park this weekend, idly watching the nothing in front of me, a woman rode her bike to a shaded spot near me and stopped. She then proceeded to sytematically make her bike explode… First the front wheel came off, then the back. Then inexplicably the seat, handlebars, kick-stand, hubs, and chain found themselves in various states of disrepair. After that, there were some assorted hysterics, a lot of bike shaking, and then dramatic falls into the grass a la Scarlet O’Hara, complete with woe-is-me exclamations and frustrated, maniacal laughter.

Recall, though, that she rode into the park. In the words of the great Arsenio – Things that make you go “hmmmm”.