floorpie

Dude, the keg was like this big!

For reasons too boring and convoluted to explain, I am working off-site at one of our client’s facilities. The strange thing I’ve noticed about working in an open-air, bullpen environment (large area with computers, no delinations between “cubes”, monitors in full view of everyone else) is that there seems to be an unwritten rule of mutual ignorance. Is Bill surfing the net for extra-large mail-order condoms? I have no idea, ’cause I ain’t lookin’.

I’ll be posting pics and tales of my trip as my friends and I consolidate pictures. More importantly, this was taped to my door when I got home, lovingly recreated here for you:

To all residents,

**Stolen brand new bicycle.**

The suspect will be able to read this too but because of the

age of the person, we can’t discuss this more.

Please keep your eyes on your stuff and suspicious looking

youths.

The police have been notified, a crime report generated, and

the name of the suspect given.

To the person whom stole the bike, return the bike where

you stole it and we will not prosecute. If you do not return

this bike, and waste more of our time, then we will be in

court, and we will ask that the book be thrown at you.

**

I wish I was a suspicious looking

youth.

Erica sends me cool stuff. You’re jealous…

I’m back. Tired, tan, and possibly even toned. Had an awesome time, which I’ll report more on as pictures and memories solidify. Right now, though, I have 105 e-mails and still counting to get through… What have you been up to?

So, because you asked, I’ll tell you. I’ll be leaving in a few days to go and be guy-ish in the Wilds of Utah, mountain-biking in Moab and rafting down the Colorado. I anticipate much fun. Hopefully, you’ll all be here when I get back. Oh, and please feed my fish as long as you’re hanging around…

via Meg I see that Webvan has suffered an untimely demise. With that news, and the fact that Peapod, has pulled out of the Bay Area, it’s become painfully obvious that I’ll need to pay someone to go to the market for me. I offer no benefits or 401(k) plan; but, if you’re an unemployed web designer, the 10% share of Fruit Loops and Triscuits you’ll get may be very attractive…

Excercises in IM dorkhood

voltron says: you at work?

Lion-O says: yup

voltron says: you actually went in?

Lion-O says: haha

Lion-O says: (I think I’m leaving early, though)

voltron says: it’s early now….

voltron says: you got hps?

Lion-O says: hit points?

voltron says: hps = hot plans

voltron says: …geek

Lion-O says: I have a +5 in agility

voltron says: potion of speed?

Lion-O says: no, but I have cloak of invisibility, so…

What’s a diorama? – Ralph Wiggum

Gathering party components at the market early Wednesday afternoon, I was halted in my tracks by the contents of the Albertson’s Snack Center at the end of the chips aisle. Lined up like soldiers on fully 5 shelves was this:

After seeing that, I should think that you have all just done as I did that somber 4th of July, and exclaimed aloud, “What the hell is that?!” Having never before seen something so fundamentally wrong, it took me several seconds to even grasp what I was looking at. My internal dialogue went something like this:

“mmmmm, Animal Crackers….” .:reaches out hand to grab childhood memories in cookie-form then recoils in terror:.

“WAIT…those aren’t animal crackers…are they?” .:blinks in disbelief:.

“What the hell is this?! Where’s the little box? Where’s the little string handle? .:glares at disgusting travesty, studies packaging closely:.

“Without the box, these are just animals senselessly in cages, instead of in a travelling car on the way to the circus… Is that stupid squiggly line at the top supposed to be the string? Ah HELL no!” .:grabs three for evidence in impending lawsuit:.

I don’t think it would be overly gauche of you to send a vehement letter to the deluded executives of Nabisco, educating them on what obviously is a mistake. OK, so maybe you do get more in the package, all the crackers seem to be freakishly intact (where are the disembodied zebra heads?!), and they stay fresh with their convenient “Recloseable Snack Zip” packaging (how I miss the chewy, stale monkey), but is nothing sacred?!

In a sea of post-Independence Day blogs, I will add my own summary… in bulletform, no more than 4 syllables per bullet:

– basketball

– Bay Bridge East…damn!

– Bay Bridge West…damn!

– Bay Bridge East…yeah!

– Treasure Island

– fireworks

– apple pie

– Bay Bridge West…sigh

– late night Star Wars

– late late late night

– call in “sick”

– U-S-A!

This may be slightly less than completely non-sensical to Bay Area residents, but I doubt it. Think Treasure Island, and blocked off exits for that beginning bit.

More importantly, stay tuned for an important and disturbing animal crackers update.