Glamorous, glitzy, Hollywood news! As of this writing, the CNN QuickVote results to the question, “What do you think of Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman’s breakup? are as follows:
It makes me sad 26%
I saw it coming 8%
It surprised me, but you know Hollywood 26%
It’s sad for them, but personally, I couldn’t care less 41%
How many people couldn’t care less, you ask? 1483…
By way of Slashdot comes a BBC article in which scientists explain how we will need to alter the Earth’s orbit to compensate for the ever-increasing brightness of our pre-death throw Sol. Otherwise, we will become a run-away greenhouse like Venus, followed by an arid, broiling rock like Mercury. This will be accomplished by using the energy from a rather large, passing asteroid, slingshotting us into a larger orbital path (a la deep-space satellites cruising around the planets to pick up speed).
Never mind that we will be extinct when this actually becomes a day to day problem (plus one billion years from now); but, if we’re not, They seem to have all the salient details already worked out:
If the 100 km asteroid was to collide with the Earth then it would wipe out all life on our planet. “This danger cannot be overemphasised,” the researchers stress.
Here’s an interview with Jay Bakker, son of the infamous Jim and Tammy Faye. Surprisingly, he’s become a minister in his own right, albeit a nonconventional one. The best part is when he explains that his mom is an icon in the gay community because of her eyelashes.
In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn’t commit. These men promptly escaped a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire…the A-Team.
Friday night I went to a modern dance performance at the ODC Theater that a friend of mine was in. I am indebted to her for inviting me because it was beautiful, interesting, and funny, and I am glad I attended. In other news, I was totally picked up on by a hooker on my way to my car afterwards. Like so:
Hooker: walking towards me Hey, what are you doing?
Me: bemused and cautious expression Nothing…
H:walking in step with me, pressed up against my arm What are we doing?
M: Oh, I don’t think anything tonight.
H: But, I can make you real happy…
M: Oh, but I’m already on my way to someone who can make me happy. [sadly, a lie by the way]
H: sad vioce Oh, is she better than me?
M: Not better, different.
H: starts grabbing at me But, I just wanna give you a tester, just a tester
M: No no, not tonight, thanks
H: pushes me up against a van C’mon just a tester, right here…
M: gently pushing here away No thank you, not tonight…
H: pouty OK… walking across the street Well, you shouldn’t be out here at night walking alone with all this temptation! You should’ve taken the LONG way around!
M: Yeah, you have a good night now!
H: You’re a good man, but you’ve got to watch out for all this temptation!
M: Yeah, and you ARE temptation! Have a good one…
H: You’re a good man, but sometimes there’s too much temptation!
M: I hear ya…
Yeah, I still got it…
From the “oh me? I was way out in left field and decided to come over” file comes this article from Web Techniques about the emerging corporate position of Chief Experience Officer. What, you say, is a CXO? That’s exactly what I said to myself as I sat here surfing the web in my Cheetos-fingerprinted tightie-whities and stained wife-beater. According to Challis Hodge, a CEO who just hired a CXO for it’s B-to-C, HH, “The CXO should ensure that an organization delivers the appropriate experience at every point of contact it makes with the public. This CXO must understand the processes, methods, and tools necessary to understand people, and should be able to translate that understanding into successful points of contact with users, customers, shareholders, employees, partners, and visitors.” Right.
As long as everyone else is making up nonsensical jobs for themselves, I’d like to nominate myself as CSFO. As Chief Self-Fattening Officer, it will be my responsibility to protect the client from a dangerous amount of free donuts and pork chops by eating them myself. What can I say? I’m a giver…
Often I think how I wish there were more hours in the day. Then, I remember there are really only so many episodes of M*A*S*H that I can really watch in one sitting…
We are a nation of rotund individuals, and worse, we all know it. Unfortunately, that knowledge has in no way altered our behavior. While rounding up people for lunch today, our admin mentioned that she had to go to FedEx, so she would be kind enough to pick us all up something while she was out. Seeing as McDonald’s is practically next door, we decided on that and started giving her our orders. It gave me a Wal-Mart chill that we were all able to say what we wanted by value meal number… #1 with a Coke, please.
As if we needed more reminders that we are decidedly not a Thirld World nation, McDonald’s has entered into a devil’s pact with Compaq to put video-game McKiosks in their stores. I suppose this is better than the cool playgrounds McDonald’s had when I was growing up, as this new system protects children from both the dangerous sun, and inconvenient excercise.
