For those of you interested in how you too can become a successul member of one of today’s hottest boy bands (and I think that means just about everybody) check out this article for tips and tricks.
Speaking of broken arms, I forgot to mention that at the end of my second day in the hospital (this would be the trampoline break, not the mountain-bike break) the doctor came by my room to check on me. My bed was up against the right wall, the door at my feet. I was lying on my back in bed, right arm raised in a sling and encased in one of those huge plaster casts that went up and over my elbow which have since been replaced by the colorful fiberglass ones (I was lucky enough, by the way, to appreciate this leap in technology the second time I broke my arm). My left arm had an IV sticking out of it, and, I think I had just peed in a plastic bottle that did not have soft edges. At any rate, my mom was by my side, fretting over me, possibly reading, when the doctor popped his head in and stood in the doorway. He said something to the effect of wanting to see how my swelling was, and that if I could straighten out the fingers in my right hand, I could go home. Short of actually being Snake Eyes (you know, from GI Joe) there was hardly anything I wanted more in the world at that moment. So, I mustered up my strength and strained to get my fingers to work. A searing pain shot down the inside of my wrist (which I’m reliving as I write this) and shakingly, I acheived only as open a palm as you get whenever you relax all the muscles in your hand (just like the one you perfected when you used to pretend-die, falling to the ground with a clenched fist, and then opening it slightly with your last gasping breath serving as a harbinger of impending revenge). The doctor watched me, shook his head with a smile, and wryly said, “Close but no cigar, you’ll have to stay anouther day.” He never even came in the room. To this day, if I hear that expression, “Close but no cigar”, I feel a pain in my wrist and a lump in my throat…
In a similar vein to that book, The Rules, that helped to bring back that good ‘ol 50’s attitude of the servile bride, some new book called The Surrendered Wife explains how the female in the relationship should “as much as possible, mind your own business”. Now as a guy, I am probably supposed to be in support of this sort of anti-woman’s-lib junk; but frankly, this kind of thing makes me cringe.
According to this site, my palm (for my fellow Silicon Valley types, that’s that fleshy piece of you under your Palm) says that:
Your self-will is practically overbearing — you do what you want to, and no man, woman, or goose can stop you. As a result, you have particularly strong argumentation skills and would make a particularly fine lawyer if you so chose such a path in life. Artistic in nature, you have a particular mental gift for intuition and just “knowing” what people need or want.
I wonder if people that know me would agree.
I have broken my right arm twice in my Life. The first time was when I was in 2nd grade and my best friend and I got in a fight while playing on our neighbor’s trampoline. One mid-air push later, I was flying head first off the trampoline and landing on my arm with a crunch. I broke both my ulna and my radius, and was in the hospital for three days. The moral of the story, of course, is to always push first when fighting on a trampoline. The second time I broke my arm was while mountain-biking in college. I was going off a particularly cool jump for about the fourth time and had a rather spectacular crash where I went over the handle bars but didn’t let go. So, when the bike twisted, my arm twisted, too. Ho-hum. The good thing about both of these instances was, that I rediscovered that I was somewhat ambidextrous each time. I think there’s something about a silver lining in there somewhere…
Things I wish I’d done by now but haven’t yet, First in an unlikely Series:
– jumped out of an airplane
– learned to fly said airplane, but probably on seperate occasions
– written the Great American Novel
– wrested control of a small country. sold it for scrap, and then blown the money on Lottery tickets
– been an astronaut
– achieved the Russian dream, which is a lot like the American dream, but with fewer McDonalds’
– saved a Life
“It is a military axiom not to advance uphill against the enemy, nor to oppose him when he comes downhill. Do not pursue an enemy who simulates flight; do not attack soldiers whose temper is keen. Do not swallow bait offered by the enemy. Do not interfere with an army that is returning home. When you surround an army, leave an outlet free. Do not press a desperate foe too hard. Such is the art of warfare”
The Art of War – Sun Tzu
This reminds me of the phrase, “Honor amongst thieves.”
Somewhere along the line the impersonal aspects of war, wrought by the technology of long range weaponry, have made it possible to not only cease waiting until we see the whites of their eyes, but also to cease waiting until we see them at all. It was only two world wars ago when competing poilots would land to see if the guy they just shot down was OK, buy him a drink, and congratulate him on a rousing melee. Now is the time of true no quarter given, none taken, and carpet bombing. Should we be pleased with our progress?
So this friend of mine (who shall remain nameless for fear of over-inflated ego [ahh, c’mon, it’s only gentle chiding]) referred me to this guy, who is now my new hero for two very important reasons:
[1] He’s totally in the know about Drunken Masters 2 being released in the US, and
[2] We have the same birthday. Which, as you undoubtedly know, means absolutely nothing…
Don’t get me wrong, I love e-mail. It allows me to stay a hermit without actually seeming like one, which really cuts down on the daily inconvenience of putting pants on. Having said that, I, for some reason, find it depressing to come to work and find an average of 30 unread messages to go through. That means I’m guaranteed at least an hour of concentrated effort in which I could otherwise be putting the finishing touches on my plans for world domination. Oh, but I’ve already said too much…
