floorpie

One thing that he’d forgotten to do was look around; a trait all too common in the post plastic-fantastic age that was his generation. If it weren’t for commercials addressing every known issue left of any consumer importance in the world, he may have never even known what it was that was supposed to get him out of bed (Jersey’s sheet set, grey cotton, Target $38) every morning. How else would he know how important it was to eat a balanced breakfast rich in fiber, to just do it all day, and to ask his doctor about Propecia? How else was he supposed to know how to fill the silence?

Civil Unrest

In the spirit of adventure, I picked up some “chips” from a local, ummm, bodega; my thought being that perhaps I’d stumble on some amazing Taiwanese delicacy that I couldn’t live without. They wouldn’t import it into the U.S., so I’d have to set up a complex smuggling system based on the barter system and old Comanche code. Many men would die that summer, but it would be worth it… it would be worth it.

At any rate, halfway through it I found a bag of silica. As in the stuff They put in packaging to keep moisture from accumulating. Up until this point I have only encountered silica in Amazon.com shipments, or industrial floor wax boxes. Not food. Not ever food, and especially not in food like it’s some kind of Cracker Jack prize (which, by the way, I embarrassingly thought it was, at first. “Oooh, cool!” I though. “Some sort of pretty beads or something. What an interesting memento from The Orient I will have to show the people back home.” [muted trombone plays:] wah-waaaah).

At this point, I got to thinking: I don’t know the customs here, and I certainly can’t read the language. Who knows what they sell among the imported Doritos and Taiwanese Snickers bars. Maybe I’m eating some sort of strange super-solvent or (Taiwanese) rat poison. I mean, look at the packaging, this could be anything.

I am cautiously optimistic, however, that it was indeed food, as 3 hours later I still have my vision and most of motor functions. As far as being so good that I can’t live without it, though: yeah… no.

You wouldn’t know me when I’m introspective.

>
Also David Bowie’s recording of Under Pressure with Queen may be the best recording ever made. It may be… I’m not sure, yet. I’m still evaluating The Clash.

A Taiwanese (of course) co-worker of mine came in to the conference room that is my home away from home followed by three other Taiwanese gentlemen that were obviously vendors visiting to sell their wares. Hepointed to me with a “See? I told you.” kind of gesture, spoke rapidly in Chinese, and then left.

Later, he came back alone; and, when I asked him what the earlier visit had been about, he replied, “They said they saw a foreigner walking around wearing our company jacket [ed: which I was] and I thought to myself, ‘A foreigner? It must be David!” And it was!”

Today’s Lunar Prophecy

It’s a good day for:
.: Trading
.: Traveling
.: Worshipping
.: Starting a business

It’s a bad day for:
.: Ground-breaking ceremonies
.: Installing stoves

I just hope to God that you’ve all installed your stoves already.

I’ve been thinking a lot about Engrish, lately, having to primarily survive on ill-translated text to know where to go, what to eat, and which way to the restroom; and I’ve decided, unilaterally, that it is hilarious. From a translated National Geographic article:

There are still wild places in Northern America where man does not rule. The grizzly does.

Every year an unfortunate few experience savage attacks from these dreaded bears. Some people are even more than killed.

It’s not so much the death that I am afraid of, it’s the more than death that keeps me up at night.

All kidding aside, though, it is amazing to me that an entire people are able to master a language to even the extent that they do. And, we certainly can’t fault them for trying to accomodate us. Signs, notices, packaging, etc are all printed in multiple languages here, including English. Can we claim to be as hospitable to our foreign visitors?

What’s more, I am starting to understand how difficult it must be to learn a language that isn’t just different, but is so different that it doesn’t even consist of the same tonal structure, grammatical syntax, or even basic structure. It is only recently that I have begun to be able to discern individual words from the otherwise constant stream of gutteral sounds that is modern day Chinese. I can only imagine similar difficulties for the locals here attempting English for the first time.

Despite the political upheaval and population crush, Taiwan has an underlying serenity that pervades the culture. So much so, that the sidebar of the second page of the Taipei Times has the winning Public Welfare Lottery numbers (07, 11, 15, 30, 36, 41. special number 18), the Quote of the Day (“Emotions are contagious, and the more heightened the emotion, the more contagious it is.” – Vivian Yeh, chief editor of Health for All), Today’s Weather (cloudy, 17C), and the Lunar Prophecy:

It’s a good day for:
.: Breaking ground for graves
.: Funerals
.: Breaking ground for construction

It’s a bad day for:
.: Nothing

Now that’s useful information…

Police Break Up Weekend Cockfight

Make love, fellas, not war.

in stacatto sing-song voice:
Where. In the World. Is. David Kleem-diego?

Two guesses where I am right now. Actually, only one quess if you’re a faithful reader (note to self: actually get faithful readers before challenging fan base).

Also, I will be in the place that I am that you probably don’t know for some 4 weeks. If I don’t learn Chinese (a clue!) by then, I will consider it a personal failure. Xie xie.

If there is one piece of advice I can give you in (recent) life, it is go see: Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind

If you are anything at all like me, you will love this movie, think about it for hours afterwards, and vow to forever continue to love Jim Carrey, despite his participation in Batman Forever.