I need a job. Not having one is ruining my life, and I ain’t talking about money.
Also, one of my closest friends is moving away.
I am having a bad year. In fact, I often think about how I’ll someday think about (how ya like that alliteration?) when I was 27, and if I’ll remember it happily, sadly, or indifferently. There is only one amazing, beautiful, wonderful thing that happened to me this year, while the rest has been fairly demoralizing. A pity, really, to have a whole year associated with one glorious event over an otherwise dismal sea.
Forever the optimist, there is still time, though, to fix what is broken and to persevere.
That, by the way, is something interesting about me that people don’t really realize. Someone once told me that, knowing me, I don’t really publish anything personal about me on here at all. Well, you caught me at an uncharacteristic time so lucky you, here comes Genuine Dave: Generally speaking, I am a sarcastic, self-deprecating, low self-esteem, cynical son of a bitch. Also generally speaking, I am a fiercely loyal, caring, arrogant individual who will make you laugh and laugh. And that’s what people don’t realize about me, I am both of these things. Both of these completely opposite, at-odds things. At the same time.
Most people see one or the other, or one first, and then transitioning to the other, and perhaps back the other way again. Once they are firmly entrenched on one side of my coin, they see the rest of my existence through that filter, and see it’s signs everywhere. The fact that the other side of my coin exists slips their mind.
This is understandable, I don’t understand it myself (what an odd thing to say). The dichotomy, I think, is rare, but it exists.
So I says to Mildred, I says, both of these things are me; but, unfortunately, the negatives stick out more than the positives… that being just the nature of the beast, somehow. I liken it to getting grades in class, actually (if I may traipse down this tangent a bit). You get an A, and you keep doing A work, and you keep your A fairly easily. you get that one C, though, and it will take you forever to get back to that A. One C out of a multitude of A’s and you pay for it the rest of your semester! One negative and you see it forever, no matter how many more A’s you score.
Anyway, so I says to her, though you may see the self-deprecating, sarcastic-wit Dave, and begin to think that I must be the most miserable, depressed person you’ve ever met, you need to remember the other side of that coin. I have the utmost faith in my life and abilities, and remain the foolish optimist. I truly do.
So don’t worry so much, I’ll come around.
PS I started weaning my self off Pepsi last week, and if you know anything about me at all, you know that that is paramount to saying to myself, “You know Dave [I’m on a first-name basis with me], all these fingers are really inefficient. I don’t really need the opposable thumbs.” This may account for some of the dark mood.