Highway Robbery

Act I, Scene I

A man (played by David Kleeman) is seen shoving dollar bills ruefully into a vending machine. The money is spit back out at him more often than not, to his apparent consternation. Many tricks are tried, such as smoothing it along the edge of the machine…

Man: Damnit! Comeoncomeoncomeon, I don’t have all day! (considers) Well, actually I do have all day, but that’s hardly the point. Come on!

Man at identical machine two feet to left: (upon retrieving purchase) Thank you, Machine!

Man: grrrr

Act II, Scene I

fade in… a Man is still trying to insert money into a vending machine

Man: Well hell, this is going nowhere…err quickly (kicks machine)

Machine: Hey Hey Hey! I can deal with the cussing, but easy on the kicking alright?!

Man: (sheepishly) Sorry, man, but I was getting frustrated. Why won’t you take my money?!

Machine: Hey, I just work here… let me try a bit harder (swallows dollar) ahh there we go

Man: Ahh, thanks (continues inserting money) I tell you brother, this is highway robbery.

Machine: Hey, how do you think I feel? All day long people are shoving dirty bills in me, trying to pawn off that crap Canadian money, sticking their filthy hands in my slot… I mean, how’s a guy supposed to impress a lady when everyone in town’s man-handled him?

Man: Who do you have an eye on?

Machine: Ah, you know, Pepsi Machine has been looking good lately

Man: I’ll put in a good word for you. (still with the money) Hey, and what’s the deal with these prices?!

Machine: I TOLD you, I just wor…

Man: I know! But seriously! What happened to back in the day when it was 10¢ a stamp, or even the farthest back I can remember, 18¢?

Machine: Well, you know with the internet and all, people aren’t sending as much mai…

Man: Well that’s exactly my point! If you don’t have as much to send, you shouldn’t have to pay as much for new trucks and planes, or on the upkeep of your existing ones! And for the rate to go up 3¢…I mean that adds up, and you haven’t done a jump that big since 1995.


Man: Well?

Machine: I still need another dollar if you think you’re getting those stamps

Man: You’re a bitch, you know that?

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