Right. So I was in Home Depot this weekend, buying various items for some apartment repairs, and browsing for welding torches (for some ill-planned artistic aspirations). Even though I’m a trained mechanical engineer, I have never learned to weld. So beyond the concept, I know very little about it. Luckily, concern for the people under my balcony tempered my caustion, and, I opted instead to grab the little advertising pamphlet and look it over at home. After learning everything (apparently) I need to learn about welding in about 3 paragraphs, I flipped the pamphlet over and found this advertisement:
Oh. My. God.

scene opens. Middle-aged, balding, overweight man, resplendent in wife-beater, shorts, black socks and loafers toils with a weed-wacker in his front yard.

Voice from stage-right: “Hey Bill, watcha doing?!”

Bill pauses, looks up from his work and hollers back: “Weedin’, watchoo doin’?!”

camera pans right, revealing Dave in an asbestos suit. Behind him, his one-story show home is steadily burning to the ground. Crying wife holding baby is dragging a half-open suitcase full of the nearest available treasured items: photo album, ficus plant, broken blender. Front yard is a scorched wasteland reminiscent of a missile test range. Dave raises his BernzOmatic Model JT850 Trigger Start Outdoor Torch above his head with a wicked smile and replies: “Weedin'”

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