I get periodic reports of what The People are searching for on my site. Usually, it’s someone’s name that thinks I might have written about them (most likely, I HAVE written about you… I just almost never use names -Ed.), or some kind of porn reference, or something completely apropos of nothing like Bobby trendy. I loved the Anna Nicole Show as much as anyone did… but I’m fairly certain I never wrote about Bobby.

At any rate, I copy the searches, from time to time, to see just what The People may have found. After trying “bobby trendy” (no references), I succumbed to narcissism and started reading a few of my old entries.

Shortly after 9.11, I had one of the most surreal and chilling conversations I had ever had with my parents. In summary, they were thinking of getting a gun for protection. I’m not at all against guns, but this totally disturbed me. Something about the visual of my mom shooting someone’s head off, I guess.

>Anyway, what cracked me up is the transcript of an IM conversation I had with a friend of mine a few days later; and, because I’m so vain, I’m going to recycle it (note, I’m Lion-o, and yes I realize how dorky that is… but you gotta admit you. love. it.):

voltron says: you’re mom is gonna buy a gun…. sweeeeet
Lion-O says: scary, huh?
voltron says: definitely a shotgun
voltron says: …with sawed off handle and barrel of course
Lion-O says: naturally
voltron says: tell em to get an AK
Lion-O says: I was thinking grenade launcher
voltron says: all the kids have em….they’re in
voltron says: yeah… but then you have to like set it up and drop them in….you might not have time for all that
Lion-O says: you could if you sleep with it
voltron says: i dont think your mom could handle a shotgun
voltron says: they are clunky and heavy
voltron says: she needs to take advantage of her agility….
voltron says: go for the glock 21…… or sig sauer
Lion-O says: right, and her innate Asian kung-fu style
voltron says: ..it never hurts to have some shuriken tucked away in the pockets…
Lion-O says: true true
voltron says: they can be used very effectively with smoke balls
Lion-O says: wait, I’m writing this down… smoke balls…