We all love you, Dave

I went out to dinner with one of my best friends last night, and the “how are you doing?” “what’s up at work?” usual fare turned into a kind of intervention.

Apparently, my usual cheerful cynicism that leaves people laughing is starting to be less humorous, and more like funny as a heart-attack. Also, the semi-destructive moral downward spiral I’ve been purposely going on is starting to not go unnoticed; and the self-deprecation thing that I’m so good at is evidently not as comedic when it seems like the deliverer is actually serious.

And why wouldn’t I be? As my friend told me, as she looked me straight in the eye, “You’ve had a really shitty year.”

Truer words were never spoken.

The fire in my place, the multiple (not-my-fault) car accidents, the other moral failings which I’d tell you abotu provately, were really inconsequential to me. My mind has been on other things. Namely, trying to recover from my break-up with ADG… or, more correctly, the circumstances of the break-up. It was ugly, my lads and lasses, U.G.L.Y you ain’t got no alibi, ugly.

Though it could have been worse. The cops weren’t called, and no one’s possessions were left burning on the front lawn. It’s just that after three years of being together, you’d think there would be better ways to deal with things than having to come home to an exactly half-empty apartment.

I think you get my drift.

At any rate, that and everything leading up to that, and the loss, and the whatever else has been haunting me for oh these many months; and, should my friend’s assessment be correct (and I have no reason to believe that it isn’t), the cracks are starting to show.

This may be why dating girls 1-7 plus 8 and 9 didn’t go very far.

My friend has great wisdom, and one piece of said wisdom went something like this, “If there’s something that keeps bothering you that you keep thinking about and thinking about, and every time you confront it it’s always the same, without any positive resolution or movement whatsoever, then you are obsessing, and caught in a losing battle. At that point, there is no point. You won’t win. You won’t lose. You just need to let those things go.”

When I said truer words were never spoken earlier in this post, I was wrong.

.: Digitally stabilized Zapruder film (via kottke)