The weird thing about massive blogger-stardom (as I have with my all of 40 readers) is that it makes the practice extremely non-private.
Which is a strange thing to say, not only because a mass-published weblog is inherently non-private, but also because I’m pretty sure “non-private” is a grammatical and vocabularic nightmare (yes, I just made up vocabularic, feel free to use it… with the appropriate royalty and credit given).
I just looked up “vocabularic” on dictionary.com not make sure I hadn’t stumbled into a higher plane of intelligence. I hadn’t.
At any rate, before anyone really knew about my blog, I could write about anything, and that was the point. Even then, though, I wasn’t really all that personal in my blog because just enough people knew about it to keep me slightly censored. So censored, in fact, that one close friend told me that she hadn’t found anything even remotely indicative of how awesome I am (I may have embellished that last bit… slightly).
Now, a lot of people know about it. Or, more correctly, a lot of people I know know about it, which has increased the censorship… or at least increased the performance anxiety.
This is not a “Dear John” post, by the way, I’m just saying.
This increased self-censoring doesn’t really effect me too much, because my posts have always been mostly observational, not introspective. The problem, though, is that I am now less and less publicly observational about things going on with friends and work… and that’s a lot of good material.
I’m thinking I need to loosen back up a bit, and let the chips fall where they may. Or perhaps I should set up a personal, secret blog. But what, then, would feed my narcissism?