i just want to bang on me drum all day

I think a lot.
Too much.

I need a lot of input to keep me occupied, which is odd as I also have astounding bouts of laziness.
Or at least what I consider laziness.

I listen to multiple conversations in a restaurant at the same time. Not because I eavesdrop, but because I just do. It’s as if my brain has some extra space sitting by and it takes up the task on it’s own. The people I’m with at the time, especially if they’re, say, a woman I’m on a date with, probably find it rude when I answer a question they didn’t ask but that the person at the next table did. Even so, they can’t complain that I’m distracted, because I never am, I’m listening to them, too.

Sometimes, when I watch TV, I also am listening to my iPod in one ear… and reading a book. To be honest, I’m not sure how terribly effective this is as I’m probably retaining none of it…there was a time during my freshman year in college when I was sitting in my dorm room on the back of my desk chair studying, while I also had my stereo blasting in the background. Given the year, it was probably some kind of guitar virtuoso like Joe Satriani or Steve Vai (two coolest last names, linked with two boring first names, by the way). My door was open, as was the style of the time, and one of my floor-mates was walking by on the way to who the hell cares where. He was a particularly dorky kid (not that I was giving James Dean anything to worry about) who liked to be called Tiger.

Which is really annoying. If there are any rules to nicknames, and there are, the first and most important one is: you do not give yourself a nickname. Which is why I made a point of calling “Tiger”, Brian and “Morg”, Chris…loudly and clearly, which is no small feat for a chronic mumbler.

At any rate, Brian was walking by my room when he glanced in, saw me perched on my chair staring at a Physics book with the strains of Surfing With The Alien rattling the windows. “You’re studying!” he exclaimed. I gave him a bemused look. This kid really annoyed the hell out of me. “AND you’re playing music!” he squeaked. My bemused look turned to confusion, and I mouthed a drawn-out and questioning, “Okaaaaaay?” to him. His eyes dropped and he muttered while turning away, “That is so cool!”, mentally adding that to his list of things to emulate later to up the cool-factor of his Tiger persona.

I’m fairly sure he wasn’t making fun of me and was actually sincere… he just wasn’t the asshole-type (like me). I remember thinking how odd his observation was, because this kind of brain-filling (or multi-tasking) is something I’ve always done.

But back to the effectiveness of it, judging by my freshman year grades, I probably should have spent more time quietly in the library, and less time bobbing my head to Eric Johnson while trying to understand differential equations. But perhaps there were…other…distractions when it comes to that.

I’m a multi-tasker at work, too…though Science will tell you that multi-tasking is actually strictly impossible. Instead it’s some kind of crazy rapid switching back and forth. At any rate, I’ll work on something for 10 minutes here, then switch to something else, then back, then to another thing and on and on, all day long. It works for me, somehow. In some ways, I feel like my brain is working on how to do something while I’m not actively thinking about, and then I get back to it when I’m ready.

What is my point?

My point is that despite this being the way that I do things, I feel like I need a break. I just want to sit in silence for a bit and not get antsy, or have my mind start racing, or feel like I’m wasting my time.

I need to learn how to meditate.

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