floorpie

There’s a commercial that comes on somewhat regularly for a portable metal detector. There are several scenes of retirees, as well as hott young co-eds, using their metal detector to catapult them to riches beyond their wildest dreams. At the beach! In the mountains! In your own back-yard! The spot culminates with a young guy beaming over the engagement ring he found out in some deserted wooded area.

That’s right, profit off the heartbreaking losses of others. Teach our children, Mother Television; teach them well.

Still unpacking.

So here’s a question for you all in the meantime: Have any of you seen the Vice President? I lost him shortly after the 9.11 attacks, and I haven’t been able to find him anywhere since. What with the way the world is right now, I’m starting to get worried for him, and wish he’d come back home. When I last saw him, he was wearing a Team-Action Jumpsuit™ and was equipped with both Kung-Fu™ and regular Overhand™ grips. If found, please contact me immediately. A reward is offered.

I live. Back from Mexico, but not at home. Soon, my pretties, soon. Vaya con cuidado.

By the by…

We have stuffed many pinatas for your birthday celebration!
How many pinatas?Many pinatas, many!
Jefe, would you say I have a plethora of pinatas?
Yes, El Guapo. You have a plethora.
Jefe, what is a plethora?

So ADG and I are going on a road-trip to Baja California tomorrow. We’ll be going to who knows where for who knows how long to do who knows what. It’ll be awesome. And cheap, which is key.

Also, should we end up going to war, we’ll be safe and sound. Who would want to attack the land of fish tacos and tequila?

You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both, and there you have:
The Facts of Life, The Facts of Life

There’s a time you’ve got to go and show you’re growing now, you know about:
The Facts of Life, The Facts of Life

When the world never seems, to be liv-in up to your dreams,
And suddenly you’re finding out The Facts of Life are all about you
youuuuuuu

It takes a lot to get ’em right, when you’re learning:
The Facts of Life (repeat 4 times)

Does the fact that I used to have a crush on Joe, the now obvious lesbian bull dyke figure, disturb me? Yes, yes it does… though it’s also intriguing, and makes me feel kinda funny. Like when we used to climb the rope in gym class.

From time to time (meaning, “as needed”) I go to the bank to get rolls of quarters. The laundry machines in my apartment eat more than I can produce in two weeks-ish, so it’s necessary to supplement the supply on a semi-regular basis.

Tearing open my most recent roll, I noticed that the quarters were inordinately shiny. Usually, you see, they’re a hodgepodge of well-worn currency, their travels seen clearly in their scarred and dirtied edges. These, however, were uniformly bright, clean, and sharp. Upon closer inspection, I noticed that the first quarter was a brand-new, 2003, Illinois-state quarter. Land of Lincoln – 21st State Century brackets a resemblance of presumably Lincoln, and an outline of the state of Illinois (which, by the way, I once lived in… but that’s another equally uninteresting story).

At any rate, the second quarter looked the same as the first. As did the third. The fourth, The fifth. You get the picture. This struck me as very cool. I figure that I’m the first person to actually use these quarters. The first to put them in to circulation. I have a whole roll of them, 40 little charges, whose destiny I can determine omnipotently just by virtue of wear I select to use them. It’s like that thought of holistics, the interconnectedness of all things: “When a butterfly beats it’s wings in China, a hurricane strikes in Florida.” What events will be set into motion by my actions with these new quarters? I, personally, am diluting the value of the dollar by $40, but what good might I be doing as well?

Of course, setting their “destiny” in motion by washing my sox brings me floating back to earth.

At least I can still laugh at myself

Big D: So, am I sane? Not exactly. Not 20 minutes ago I got a call from this job I really wanted. In LA. And they’re going with someone else.
Ariel: F U C K. I’m really sorry to hear that.
Big D: yeah. thanks.
Ariel: Seriously: you’re at the top of my “Deserves a Break in the Universal Scheme of Things” list.
Big D: hooray
Ariel: So, you applying for more jobs down here?
Big D: Of course! Got to keep my Rejection-Quota up each week.
Ariel: *smirk*
Ariel: I keep wishing I could find you a job at Affinity, but none of these these seem like a fit for you.
Big D: you should be looking for “Sr. Mechanical Loser”
Ariel: Riiiight. I forgot about that job title.
Big D: It’s very specialized.
Ariel: Years of training.
Big D: at least one!

And you thought I was kidding

3.4 gallons for my $10… sigh And no, I don’t think diesel gas was actually only 9/10 of a cent, I think they just ran out of 3’s… or maybe 17’s

Two thoughts on the Bush speech. One by me, and one by ADG:

.: One reason for destroying Saddam Hussein is apparently because of his link to the terrorists. Wouldn’t it be more effective to actually go after the implementors (the terrorists)? To me, this seems like fighting a forest fire by cutting down all of the healthy trees, without actually attacking the fire itself.
.: The fact that Iraq has had 12 years to disarm is actually not a good argument for going in. If we’ve given them 12 years, why do we no feel a need to go to war if they don’t comply in a few days?

Heard on the news this morning:

...and an early morning power outage continues to bother hundreds of PG&E; customers in San Francisco. Officials are unsure what caused the power outage, but crews are working to restore possible as soon as possible. We will let you know when you can expect your power to come back on as details become clearer.

Good thing all San Franciscans have solar powered TV’s.