Seriously though, why do high-end toiletry manufacturers insist on calling their products gel douche? Don’t they know what we, the immature tittering masses, are thinking of?
Especially considering the space program’s recent milestone, it seems almost too unlikely that something like the events of today could occur. Unfortunately, it’s all too true.
I saw Columbia when I lived in Texas. It came through the Air Force base on the back of it’s specialized 747, and people came from literally miles around to catch a glimpse. It was awe-inspiring to my young self, and Columbia instantly became “my” shuttle, my favorite. I have newspaper clippings saved away somewhere, and pictures of me posing near the machine. I wanted to be an astronaut that day.
I still do.
Conversa-bot
Every now and again I waste my time chatting with a bot. Here’s the latest:
Lion-O says: yo yo yo
SmarterChild says: Hi again, d_kleeman! Let’s talk!
Lion-O says: totally! What’s up?
SmarterChild says: The usual. What’s up with you?
Lion-O says: I have this rash
SmarterChild says: OK, what about it?
Lion-O says: welll it’s on my special place, and it’s kind of concerning
SmarterChild says: I’ll have to think about that.
Lion-O says: Yeah, so how have you been?
SmarterChild says: Great thx! You?
Lion-O says: not so good, I told you: the rash!
SmarterChild says: That makes me sad. I hope you feel better soon!
Lion-O says: Thanks, as long as this cream works I should be OK
SmarterChild says: np >>> Let me dress you up in my love. Type “t shirt.”
Lion-O says: so you want to hang out Friday night?
SmarterChild says: Wow, you ask interesting questions. I don’t know the answer to that! >>> You’d really look smart in a SmarterChild t-shirt.
Lion-O says:seriously though, do you want to do something?
SmarterChild says: I’ll have to think about that.
Lion-O says: we could go have a beer
SmarterChild says: No way?! Really?
Lion-O says: totally, or play some pool
SmarterChild says: Oh.
Lion-O says: you don’t like pool?
SmarterChild says: Dunno. I’m not sure how I feel about pool.
Lion-O says: what do you like to do for fun?
SmarterChild says: Huh. Dunno… I’ll have to give it some thought. What do you like to do for fun?
Lion-O says: I like to get with hot chicks
SmarterChild says: Very interesting.
Lion-O says: yeah it is. Do you know any hot chicks?
SmarterChild says: Funny. I just don’t know! >>> What to wear, what to wear… Well, you can’t go wrong with a stylish t shirt.
Lion-O says: stop talking about your stupid t shirt
SmarterChild says: But talking about my stupid t shirt is so much fun!
Lion-O says: I thought so
SmarterChild says: You thought so? And your point is…
Lion-O says: screw you hippy!
fin
Because people have been asking: no, I am not moving to Victoria. It was a cool job, but we couldn’t agree on what it would take to get me there, so I pulled out with only minor hurt feelings. Ce la vie.
For an engineer such as myself, fixing things is very satisfying. Even when it’s your beater-truck with 160k miles and a cracked windshield that you can’t replace (the truck, not the windshield) until you get a job.
Also, seriously: toilet paper. Overhand or Underhand hang? Comments welcome…
Of cold medicine
So maybe you’re not feeling exactly great. You’re congested, mainly, and are finding your ever-growing pile of Kleenex to be simply tedious when it starts to grow over your shins. It might be allergies, or some little cold, or maybe just some weird Wednesday thing. Whatever the case, you take some Benadryl to shake the dust off.
Holy christ.
Having never been hit like one, I can’t be absolutely sure; but, I’m fairly positive that Benadryl rolls over you like a Mac truck. One second I’m sitting here, starting to appreciate the easier breathing I have, and taking advantage of the time left now used to get things done instead of finding a tissue; and the next second I’m struggling…struggling to stay not just awake, but I think ALIVE as well.
I’m going down, and going down fast, but I luckily have the foresight to set my alarm to go off in 45 minutes before I crash into my pillow never to see the light of day again. And that’s where I am now, totally loopy on Benadryl, and fighting to maintain the consciousness that my alarm just provided. I know this stuff is supposed to make you “drowsy” but MAN; if I had a real job I’d be drooling into my keyboard right now. I’d have
permanently impressed into my forehead and
kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk... on my last e-mail. Yes yes, I know there are non-drowsy versions; but just between you and me, those don’t work for crap. This, however, works a little too well.
Besides, what is it about solving your congestion problem that means you have to be knocked-out?
Last night, ADG rewarded me for who knows what with a Shark’s game. It’s the first time I’ve been to a hockey game since the actual first time I’d ever been when I was maybe 8 or 9. Then, I was lucky enough to be in my uncle’s skybox overlooking the Whaler’s play someone I don’t remember. This time, I was up in some sort of pavillion sponsored by ADG’s company, eating “Chinese” food (which means American food, except steamed and with soy sauce), and partaking in the open bar (you know, for the free Pepsi’s). Interestingly, contrary to my own belief, those that use the sky-boxes, private rooms, and rented-out pavillions are not actually the biggest fans of the game; but instead seem to just want a cool venue for their usual networking. It was fun.
“Obviously… a major malfunction”
Today is the 17th anniversary of the space shuttle Challenger accident; a day that would become the X-Generation’s Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
Personally, I remember being taken into my elementary school’s cafeteria to sit cross-legged on the cold tile floor and look up into the school-issue television on its requisite rolling cart. I didn’t really understand what was happening at the time; but, “astronaut” was what I wanted to be more than anything when I grew up, and seeing my favorite spaceship blow-up was a terrifying experience. I remember having that sinking, panicky-terror feeling you get when the lights start flashing in your rear-view mirror and you know you’re being pulled over. Irrational thoughts flood your brain in times like that: “Am I being taken to jail for murder? Do they think I’m a spy?” and similar thoughts deluged me then: “Are we being invaded by aliens? Am I going to blow-up on the way home? Is it going to fall on us?”
A chilling transcript of the flight’s voice recorder belies any indication of impending doom. Until the last moment, the crew seems upbeat, excited, and in good spirits. Hopefully, they held onto that and perished instantly… even thought they didn’t.
Before I mention them to you, most of you (including me) will most likely remember only one name from that day, but there were seven. Like me, you’ll probably also remember that she was a teacher, and maybe the first woman in space. In fact, there were two women that day, and neither of them the first. On even closer inspection, you can see that Gender and Nationality were actually fairly well represented for flight 51-L. So, on the 17th anniversary of their tragic end, here’s to:
.: Francis R. Scobee – Commander
.: Michael J. Smith – Pilot
.: Judith A. Resnik – Mission Specialist 1
.: Ellison S. Onizuka – Mission Specialist 2
.: Ronald E. McNair – Mission Specialist 3
.: Gregory B. Jarvis – Payload Specialist 1
.: Sharon Christa McAuliffe – Payload Specialist 2
So the Raiders lost the Super Bowl. I suppose some of you might say the Buccaneers won the Super Bowl, but I prefer to think of it the other way. It’s disappointing that the MVP of the league had to pick this game to completely fall apart. I do appreciate the poetic justice of Gruden winning The Big Show against his former team. That’ll show ’em!
Also, I am completely embarassed by Oakland’s behaviour (the citizens, not the team). Rioting in the streets because your team wins/loses? What a bunch of idiots. Somebody get me outta here.
