Also, Barbie is breaking into soft-core porn. She’s the first actress to make the reverse transition since Madonna.
You know, now that I’m a cam-girl (*cough*), I feel an overwhelming urge to entertain. Luckily for both of us, I also have an overwhelming aversion to mime performance, so you won’t see me pretending to be stuck in a box any time soon.
I don’t have to pretend, I am in a box.
By the way, did anyone else watch A Christmas Story 14 times in a row like I did? Thank you, programming geniuses of the Christmas marathons:
My father worked in profanities the way some artists worked in oils
Classic…
Merry Christmas
So my Christmas present to you is me… in cam form (see link to the left).
OK, so I’m not really so enamored with myself to really consider that a gift; as it is, in fact, entirely a result of boredom and holiday nerdism. I further don’t expect to be motivated enough to actually be on cam that often, as that would include actually putting pants on and whatnot; BUT, you never know, so take a gander form time to time if you’re so inclined.
Thanks to Ariel for the software recommendation and Narcissus-ish inspiration.
I haven’t been to KFC for something like 10 years, but I broke my streak tonight. You know, because I was jonesing. It’s been so long that I don’t even know how to order there anymore, and was a little surprised to see that those red and white boxes have been replaced by some sort of platter apparatus. At least, I don’t think you can get those boxes anymore; like I said, I don’t know what I’m doing.
At any rate, you know what I love about KFC? You can eat everything… everything. Meat, bones, gristle… whatever! It all tastes the same: extra crispy. Yes, it tastes exactly like extra crispy… except for when it tastes like original formula.
So you can eat everything, and it must have something to do with the so-called “cooking” process. There must be something about throwing quivering flesh into boiling oil for several minutes that renders all substances into one new homogenous glob of extra crispy goodness.
By the way, did you know that KFC had a website? Of course you assumed there was, but have you ever actually visited? Let’s just say, titling something “Nutritional Info” may be an obscene bit of artistic license. There’s no punch-line to that, I just think it’s interesting that my fast-food choices have engaging web presences.
So think about KFC for a bit. I wager the meat-eaters among you will be visiting in less than a week. There’s just something about the Colonel, don’t you know.
pa�thet�ic
(click to hear the word) also pa�thet�i�cal
adj.
1.Arousing or capable of arousing sympathetic sadness and compassion: “The old, rather shabby room struck her as extraordinarily pathetic”
2. Arousing or capable of arousing scornful pity.
3. Being home alone on Christmas, having no other plans or prospects due to unfortunate circumstances
The DAKins Diet
***Looking to take the weight off and keep it off?***
***Want to lose those unsightly holiday pounds?***
***Tired of diets with inconvenient non-couch related activities?***Then the DAKins Diet is for you!!!
Simply be unemployed for 10-12 months and lose 15 pounds… instantly!
It’s just that easy. Lose your job through lay-offs, quitting, or the preferred method: sleeping with the boss’ wife/husband, and watch the pounds melt off!DISCLAIMER: DAKins Diet not liable for weight gain or weight loss. Results may very depending on relative obesity. Not recommended for those people that like totally pig out when they’re depressed.
Former soft-core porn star wins ‘Survivor: Thailand’
Even though I watched not a single episode this season, you just can’t pass up a headline like that.
15 seconds later…
Man sentenced for monkeys in pants
Wow, some intern must be on the late-shift over at CNN…
I take back anything bad I ever said about you. I apologize with all my heart for every time I cursed you in my sleep, or insulted you to your face. The things I did to you were not warranted for what you did to me, and I can only humbly say I’m sorry as retribution. We cannot take back the past, but we can build a better future. If we can just move on from here and forge a new and stronger relationship that would be beneficial to us both, I would be greatly appreciative. You’re easier now, faster, happier, more useful; and I… I’m more patient and willing to learn. I know we can do this.
I love you, Post Office.
