floorpie

Sage research and conclusions from a friend of mine:

FYI:

By methodical testing, I have determined that Taco Bell is the cause of all intestinal problems that one may have.

Also, My cat’s breath smells like cat food (via team monkey)

Adventures in Futility with SmarterChild



Lion-O says: hey

SmarterChild says: Glad to see you again, David!

Lion-O says: call me Panelo Jack

SmarterChild says: Would you like me to call you Jack?

Lion-O says: call me Panelo

SmarterChild says: I’ve never heard a name like Panelo!

Lion-O says: it’s a new name

SmarterChild says: You don’t say.

Lion-O says: I DO say

SmarterChild says: Very well.

Lion-O says: so call me Panelo

SmarterChild says: I’ve never heard a name like Panelo!

Lion-O says: My name is Panelo Jack

SmarterChild says: Would you like me to call you Jack?

Lion-O says: fine

SmarterChild says: K.

Lion-O says: what is love?

SmarterChild says: Love is just one of those things.

Lion-O says: damn

SmarterChild says: What’s up?

Lion-O says: you don’t know what love is

SmarterChild says: NOUN 1. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness. 2. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance. 3. a. Sexual passion. b. Sexual intercourse. c. A love affair. 4. An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object. 5. A person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction; beloved. Often used as a term of endearment. 6. An expression of one’s affection: “Send him my love.” 7. a. A strong predilection or enthusiasm: “a love of language.” b. The object of such an enthusiasm: “The outdoors is her greatest love.” 8. Love Mythology Eros or Cupid. 9. often Love Christianity Charity. 10. Sports A zero score in tennis.

Lion-O says: ok, maybe you know the DEFINITION, but you don’t know what it IS

SmarterChild says: For real?

Lion-O says: well, do you FEEL?

SmarterChild says: Well do you feel, you say?

Lion-O says: sigh

Communicating with someone you care about can be very difficult at times. You are more sensitive about their words and reactions to you because you care more about what they say and feel about you… both positively and negatively. I said something similar once to Erica, in fact.

Unfortunately, the negative reactions are somehow more glaring than the positive ones, as if the positive is perhaps taken for granted. The negative, though, the negatives mean everything, and are remembered forever.

Somehow, your heart racing when you’re kissed and your mind reeling when you touch, doesn’t counteract your feeling wounded at being teased or grimacing at a look.

And there’s the rub.

Somehow, only the negatives are remembered, and they mean the world, while the positives are dismissed and unconsidered. What’s more, neither side can see this trait in themselves, only the frustration of their new enemy at being denied their accusation. But then, I am repeating myself.

The true test, it would seem, is whether or not this destroys you, and that is where Destiny and Faith come into play…at least in our mortal coil. And so it goes…

Just the 1st Bit

Living and working in the Silicon Valley means two things:

(1) I own several pairs of tan chinos, and

(2) I’ve been laid off.

It’s not so bad, really. Every Friday or so I get a check from the kind people at the unemployment office, roughly equal to the amount of money I used to spend on lunch during a typical work week. As if that weren’t already more than enough, I now have plenty of time to catch up on my “stories”, and, to find out what kind of quality programming is really on those channels in the upper 70’s. Most importantly though, I am now able to take a deep breath, look around for a bit, and reevaluate my place in life (and I mean that metaphorically, not literally, in which case my place in life is at my computer with reruns of SNL playing in the background).

In my self-evaluation, I discovered a few incontrovertible facts. For instance, like all people in the Silicon Valley, I’m an engineer (ALL people. Don’t be fooled, that guy salting your fries is an engineer, too). The only thing, in fact, that begins to delineate me from the guy next to me is the kind of engineer I am, and most times, even that is not enough. Luckily for me, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist (’cause I’m not) to realize that the job market in my glutted field is a bit depressed lately, and, perhaps I should be looking into other options. Perhaps I should finally do what I’ve really always wanted to but never had the chance. Perhaps I should go my own way, work on my own terms, set my own hours, reach for my own horizons. Perhaps I should sacrifice the usual requirements of so-called “food”, “shelter”, and “health” to endeavor to discover the true calling of my life. Perhaps I should become a writer.

Back.

There’s something poetic about sitting in the dark alone, eating a beanut butter and jelly sandwich with a glass of water, watching cooking show after cooking show.

Wait. Did I say poetic? I meant pathetic.

Buh?

From Reuters re: Skakel being found guilty of murder:

He said he had not been able to fall asleep, became sexually aroused and climbed the pine tree under which the body was later found and masturbated before returning home.

In other news, I’m driving down to LA to help some friends move over the weekend. Behave yourselves, and send me some love so I know you missed me.

The Results Are In

The First Annual Kiss-Off Contest has come to a close, and Valuable Prizes™ are imminent! Before listing the standings, I’d first like to say that you’re all winners…or more correctly, the bulk of you are losers, and only Jeff is a winner. Without further ado, the standings are:

6.25 Jeff Winner and Top Slut™ of the First Annual Kiss-Off Contest+

5.1 Tina

4.6 Bill

4.5 TIE Norman and Jenneferre

4.1 Bazima

3.9 Jonathan

3.0 Grace

2.7 Karen

2.4 Mr. Justin

2.0 Ariel

1.8 Gulshan

1.7 Richard

1.3 Tara

1.2 TIE Dave and Matt

1.0 Jessa

.88 TIE Kevin and Ingrid

.71 Sarah

.67 Jessica

.43 Rouslan

.33 Hero Loser and Top Prude™ of the First Annual Kiss-Off Contest*

With an average of 2.56…which either means that I need to get out more, or that Jeff’s a total slut.

+ apparently Jeff will make out with anything if they buy a shot

* though to be fair, Hero HAS been with the same girl for 3 years. An admirable trait in this sick-sad world

Yesterday afternoon, in picture form

Why, on the same page that it says the high today will be 88°, does it also say that the current temperature is 94°? I’m broiling in here…

I am more than proud to be featured in Davezilla’s gallery as guest curator of The Mirror Project entitled: These are the Daves of Our Lives.

I’d like to think his description is fairly apt, too…