floorpie

Douglas Adams died this weekend.

This makes me sad.

I’m going to Radiohead next month and you’re not. Unless, of course, you want to because I have two extra tickets.

Hmmm, did that taunt come out right?

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom!

Now the whole world (read: half a dozen people including yourself) knows that:

a) I have a mom

b) she has a day

7:30 and still at work, what’s up with that?

You know, before my dreams were crushed by my obvious physical deformities, I thought I’d grow up to be an astronaut. One can only imagine the times I’d probably be having even as we speak…

I can see me and Wedge right now, cruising through the solar-system, battling our universal enemies. ‘Course, it wouldn’t be much different from Beggar’s Canyon back home, but the prestige would still be there. And, that’s really what it’s all about, isn’t it? That, and the latent sexual tension I have with the girl I didn’t know was my sister. But, when that little wrinkly gnome finally does let me in on the family joke, I would suddenly lose all interest in her and try to set her up with my best friend. Man, I tell you, good times, good times…

There’s something deliciously poetic about me, an able-bodied 26 year old, having he, the 30-something guy from Webvan, lug my 30-pack of Pepsi, 3 gallons of water, and sundry items up two flights of stairs while I stand right inside the door watching him through my peephole.

Grrr…Today is not a good day.

– DSL went down when the router exploded
– For some reason, that’s also brought the network down
– I’ve got the DSL going, but the network is still a mystery
– If one more person tells me that they can’t get to the internet I’ll, I’ll…well, I’ll smile through gritted teeth and say, “Yes, I know, I’m working on it.” But, as soon as they turn their backs and walk back to their desks, then, oh THEN, the under-my-breath invectives will fly! Those souls unfortunate enough to incur my wrath will be silently met with wave upon wave of virulent curses guaranteed to plague their children, and their children’s children, and their children’s children’s children… Yeah, that’ll show ’em.

For some reason, my mom keeps getting me a subscription to Prevention magazine. Now, she�s a self-admitted health-food nut (at least that�s what I call her) and is very in to the whole vitamin, no sugar-cereal, exercise, communist-voodoo mindset. To give you an idea of my childhood, two words:

13 vitamins a day

Of course, I�m much better for it now, and appreciate the now veritable temple that masquerades as my body. Even so, I don�t know if some of these Prevention articles are really things that should apply to me:

– At Last! Banish Cellulite, our Fast & Easy PROVEN Solution
– Maintaining Your Health at Menopause
– Fit & Firm – Get Slim Thighs Fast!

I think this helps to illustrate my theory that my parents really wanted a girl, especially when considering all those pink outfits and Barbie dolls I had as an infant. Well, that, and the time my dad sat me down to have �The Talk� with me which began, �Son, we wanted a girl…�

You ever have one of those days where you know you haven’t done anything, your coworkers know you haven’t done anything, your boss knows you haven’t done anything, but time passes anyway? You begin to wonder what happens in the intervals between looking up at the clock and hitting the Send/Receive button on your e-mail. You think to yourself:

“Maybe I’ve been abducted by aliens…but then people would notice…but maybe that’s part of Their genius! Sneaky bastards.”
“Do I have narcolepsy? If I did, how would I know?”
“Do I really play that much Spy Hunter?”
“Is that a drool puddle or just spilled water?”

On second thought, maybe that original question should have been, “You ever not have one of those days…?”

I went to Spike and Mike’s Classis Festival of Animation last night. It wasn’t the Sick and Twisted version; but, it was still very cool. I found something hypnotic in a mass of San Franciscans playing with giant balloons in the Castro Theatre. The best by far? Rejected.

I mentioned a while ago, about a vanity license plate retrospective I was going to do. Well, I’ve started so check it out. Also, consider being my temporary minions and send me some pics!