It used to be, that whenever a telemarketer called I’d be frozen by politeness and dizzied by their rapid-fire spiel. I’d stand there with the phone in my hand, bent over the cradle as if I was about to hang up, but powerless to do anything about it. Eventually, I would stammer out a, “I don’t think I’d be interested” and then stand there for a few minutes more to hear about how I actually was. At some point, I would muster up the willpower to disengage, hang up the phone, and then drop it like it was electrified, jumping around the room as if trying to dislodge the uncomfortable-ness.

Time and increasing annoyance, however, have tempered me into a finely-tuned telemarketing killing machine. The guy that called me today at 8:35 AM barely got out the, “I have an exciting offer from your local toll carrier” before he was met with a word of my own invention, “thankyouI’mnotinterestedby” *click* The moral of the story, for all you non-believers, is that maaaan, evolution is real!

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I have a little leather pouch that lives inside my glove compartment; inside of which are 42 pennies, 1 nickel, and 1 quarter that have been flattened by trains long past. Way back when, my friends and I would drive to a deserted dead-end road in the canyon behind our neighborhoods, where a small trestle overhung some train tracks. In retrospect, the purpose of this structure was unclear. It had red/green signal lights on it, but was mainly an open-weave catwalk that was constructed over the tracks in the middle of nowhere. There didn’t seem to be any functional need for a walkway overhanging the tracks. It was constructed high enough so that it would be an inconvenient access to the roof of any train, and the lights could just as easily have been on poles. I would like to think that it existed only for my friends and I, and flickered into non-existance when we weren’t there.

At any rate, we would often go “down to the tracks” and: walk along them a la Stan by Me, sift through the whatnot and wherefores that always end up by the rails, and just generally hang out. When nighttime found us down there, we would line up dozens of pennies on the rails, climb up onto the catwalk past the No Trespassing signs, and wait for a train to come by. Eventually, one always would, and it would come screaming out of the night in a rush of hot air and sound and vibration, drowning out our war-whoops and excited exultations. It was an easy way to get a cheap rush off of several hundred tons of steel moving at great speed only a few feet beneath you. After the train would go buy, flashlights and lighters would be retrieved from our cars and we would commence searching for the glinting of flattened copper. Then, we would divy up the spoils amongst us, differentiating between “good ones” and “bad ones”, and rewarding them on a sliding scale of deserving.

I suppose in a lot of ways my pile of destroyed legal tender is a symbol for the times I had with my friends. I often wonder if they still have theirs, as I somehow know that I will always have mine. Any specific memories associated with any one particular coin have long since been forgotten; but, I do remember the notable things: the rat as big as a small dog cut clean in half, the numerous hobos and their wayward dogs that would scream invectives at us as they passed, and that endless-moment feeling as you were suspended above your own mortality with the people who would care the most beside you. Mostly, though, I remember the feeling of friendship, the laughter, the contentment, and the seemingly infinite possibilities for the future.

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For a Short Time Only: A Two-Part Nonsensical Post! Tell your friends!

: What does it say about a person when your friends fish a length of copper pipe out of the trash to save for you?

: Things on my desk at home:

    – an electronic stapler
    – a self-made sundial
    – a new pen
    – a model of a human skull with a removable “head lid”, under which I have placed a Post-It note with “Hi…” written on it. Expressly because in the unlikely event that someone opens said skull, I would like that they were then properly greeted.
    – a box of Girl Scout cookies: Samoas
    – a sketch of a thingy I’d like to build that I thought of last night
    – a list of ideas for a friend’s birthday present that will probably never come to fruition
    this thing
    – requisite lamp, computer, and cup-o-pens
    – one half-empty cup of chi
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“And then I just looked at him for a minute, watching him sleep, wanting to cry, wanting to ask him not to go away, feeling melodramatic and stupid for how pathetically morose I was.

So yeah. I’m a dork.”

Yeah, Meg’s back!

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He-Man and the Master’s of the Universe!
I am Adam, Prince of Eternia and Defender of the Secrets of Grayskull. This is Cringer, my fearless friend.

Fabulous secret powers were revealed to me the day I held aloft my magic sword and said, “By the Power of Grayskull! I have the Power!!!” Cringer became the mighty Battle-Cat, and I became He-Man, the Most Powerful Man in the Universe.

Only three others share this secret. Our friends: the Sorceress, Man-at-Arms, and Orko. Together, we defend Castle Grayskull from the evil forces of Skeletor…

He-Man!

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Cool, Blogger was featured on TechTV’s The Screen Savers. Sure, it could be argued that only dorks like me would see it; but, I heard a rumor that the meek might inherit the earth, so…

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So, I’m writing this on a new computer which I find both cool and depressing. Cool because, errr, it’s a new computer (weren’t you listening?!), and, depressing because it’s a beautiful Saturday afternoon and I have nothing better to do than fiddle with it.

It’s amazing how cyclical Life can be, ebbing and flowing, as it were, between extreme action and abject boredom. Of course, I can think of worse things than abject boredom coming at you at a screaming 1 GHz. Or maybe not…

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“Lesson learned: Go to Sweden for its lack of crime and stylish furniture. Just don’t get humped by any mooses meese animals.”

Sage words from Ernie

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Awesome. According to the Gay-o-Meter I’m 48% on a scale of 0%=too straight to 100%=too gay. So, I guess I’m either well adjusted…or easily swayed. (thanks to freakho/hoblog which is also pretty cool)

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I have a lot of activist friends (and by “a lot” I mean 3), and they often send me interesting e-mails that you’ve probably already seen. Having said that, I thought I’d post this for those who hadn’t:

If we could shrink the earth’s population to a village of precisely 100 people, with all the existing human ratios remaining the same, there would be:

57 Asians
21 Europeans
14 from the Western Hemisphere, both north and south
8 Africans

52 would be female
48 would be male

70 would be non-white
30 would be white

70 would be non-Christian
30 would be Christian

89 would be heterosexual
11 would be homosexual

6 people would possess 59% of the entire world’s wealth and all 6 would be from the United States.

80 would live in substandard housing
70 would be unable to read
50 would suffer from malnutrition
1 would be near death
1 would be near birth
1 would be college educated
1 would own a computer

I hope I’d be the one with the computer.

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