floorpie

See, I know I put my passport in a safe place so that I wouldn’t lose it. The problem is, I put it in such a safe place that even I don’t know where it is. Which sucks, ’cause I’m going to China in a few weeks… provided I can, you know, leave the country legally and all.

Similar to my whole shower in complete darkness thing, I also sometimes just sit in the shower. Do you ever do that? I sit down in the tub with the shower on and my eyes closed and just let the water flow over my head or face or whatever. It’s incredibly, incredibly relaxing. Kind of like sitting out in the rain.

Sitting in showers: recommended.

This is how you know that you’re tired:

You wake up, bleary-eyed and still exhausted, stumble to the bathroom, turn on the water in the shower, and get in. Then, as you stand there with your legs scalding (the water being way too hot), you stare at the shower knobs, not remembering which one to turn to make it cooler.

I am, once again, trying to conquer my addiction to caffeine and soft drinks. Pepsi, ye are a stubborn bitch. A few months ago, I’d switched over completely to water, or the like, was no longer getting headaches every day and had dropped more than 10 pounds by doing absolutely nothing besides cutting out the cokes.

But then she came back.

At first, it was nothing big, just one every few days when I felt like it. I could easily manage the addiction now that I’d broken it, right? RIGHT?

Then, on the weekends I’d have a few, but they were mixed with run or jack, so clearly that doesn’t count.

Maybe one this morning to wake up, but just today, of course, it’s not like it’s a habit, and I can quit any time.

OK, one per day, but only at lunch. Well if the refills are free…

And it went down hill from there. I’m still way under what I used to drink at my peak (I think around 4 or 5 per day), but it’s getting close to being out of hand. I’ve gained back some weight, and the headaches are back, signaling the chemical dependency. So, it’s back to water. Wish me luck.

I’m tired all the time; is that normal? That’s slightly less than true, I’m tired every day. That’s much more accurate. Of course, we’re all tired every day, that’s why we go to bed. The thing is, though, I’m tired in the middle of the day, and wide awake in the middle of the night. Somewhere between 2 and 5 o’clock I’m absolutely exhausted for about half an hour. I’m totally useless and dead to the world around me, so much so that I feel like I’m going to fall asleep where I stand.

Conversely, at around midnight when it’s time for any decent person to go to bed, I’m wide awake. In fact, if I didn’t force myself to actually lie down in bed and go to sleep, I could easily (and often do) stay up all night, and into the next day. take my recent party for instance. I got up around 8AM in the morning, and didn’t go to sleep until about midnight the next night. In between, I set up for the party, hosted 40-something guests and partied my ass off, may or may not have got to know someone better, cleaned up my wrecked apartment, and then went to bed 40 hours after first waking. again not really feeling tired.

Granted, this ability has a few advantages:
1. I can rock and roll all night, and party every day.
2. Jet lag? What’s jet lag?
3. Roadtrip to Vegas?

On the other hand, what’s up with that?

The thing that sucks the most about this whole no-sleep thing is that I get up at more or less the same time every morning, no matter what. I haven’t set my alarm clock in months and I always wake up somewhere between 6:30 and 8 in the morning (usually around 7 about ninety percent of the time). And it doesn;t matter when I go to bed. 10PM, wake up at 7. Midnight, wake up at 7. 5 in the morning, wake up at 7. I haven’t been able to sleep in since high school.

I saw The Raconteurs at The Wiltern on Friday.

Kelley Stoltz opened and, despite the fact that he and his band were technically good, they really just pretty much sucked. I’m not sure what it was, because I think it’s the kind of music that I would have liked if I was in a different mood, but I just couldn’t wait for them to get off the f’ing stage. And I was not alone, pretty much everyone within earshot was heavy into the sarcastic clap, and the near-standing ovation they got at the end of their set was more a function of everyone trying to encourage them to get the fuck out the way, than it was a celebration of the music.

There was another, much better, opening band before Stoltz who, despite my being internets savvy, I can’t for the life of me find the name of. Basically, it was a guy on a guitar, and a completely seductive girl with incredible… stage presence… that sang. She was totally approachable after the show, but I had plans to meet the Thai Singer at The Blu Monkey and definitely didn’t want to miss that.

Oh, and The Raconteurs? Pretty good. I know that if it’s too loud you’re too old, but the first song completely blew my ears out to the point that I was whimpering pathetically, and mewing like a kitten.

Wow, I am a master of the simile.

At any rate, they were so loud that you couldn’t make out the singing over the cracking of the blown-out speakers, and the vocal force made the drunk 16 year-old behind me puke on his shoes (as oppossed, thankfully, to my back). It got better, though, and I’ll check them out a little more closely based on the show. Oh, and they did a cover of Gnarls Barkley’s Crazy as an encore, which was awesome.

Also, if you’re a waitress and you mishear my “Jack and Coke” order as “Jack and Gin”, and then bring it to my with a straight face… well, then just high-5’s all around ’cause you’re the king, baby.

[UPDATE] The alluring singer/guitar player duo was apparently Jonneine Zapata, whose bandwith is exceeded but will always have a place in my heart.

Seriously, though, thank you Frito Lay for adding this advice to your sunflower seeds packaging:

>EATING INSTRUCTIONS: CRACK OPEN SHELLS, DISCARD SHELLS, ENJOY THE SEEDS!