floorpie

After reading this article about how average SAT Math scores have hit an all-time high in the class of 2005, I was motivated to see how, if at all, that correlated to my scores from back in the day. I remembered, vaguely, that the SAT’s had been revamped a couple of years after I took them, which gave everyone slightly higher scores. For some reason, this mattered to me at the time, though I was already in college, and would never need my scores again.

At any rate, it turns out the SAT’s were “re-centered” in 1995. So, for all of you late 20-somethings to early 30-somethings that use your SAT scores as part of your rap, here’s a table to find what your composite would have been under today’s scoring system. Good luck, you have 20 seconds to complete this section.

Also, for a more humbling analysis, check out what your estimated IQ is based on the old SAT scoring system (use the first table to back-correlate your scores if you took the test after 1995… and if you didn’t figure that out on your own, you may want to sit down before looking at the IQ chart). Remember kids, we can’t all be boy geniuses.

ahem

I’m back from the cruise to Ensenada. You didn’t know that I was going on a cruise to Ensenada, but you did know that I was going to Mexico. The thing about a cruise to Ensenada, you see, is that it’s much more about the cruise and much less about Ensenada itself. It’s my second(?) time there, and for those of you who have yet to make it, fear not, you’re not missing anything… unless you like to buy “authentic” mexican products at low, low prices. And tequila.

I’ve never been on a cruise before, and if this is what they are all like, I’ve been really missing out. I reached a new personal low (or “high” depending on your rating system), that I’m still trying to work out in my head; but, suffice it to say, I wish I had the chance to go back and replay the thousand opportunities where I could have asked for her number, and done so… Though that would have exponentially increased the drama level in my life, and it’s already pretty high.

Insider tip, by the way: When playing Blackjack, and the dealer suggests that you combine your bet with your down $100 friend so that some of your winning mojo rubs off on him, and you do, and you get 21 the easy way the first time, and then the hard way the second time, don’t laugh maniacally and shout “You’re a witch!” while pointing at the dealer.

Also, saying “I frickin’ love the Russian Federation!” is not an appropriate way to smooth things over with your aforementioned Russian dealer… but it sure is hilarious.
Up $260 for the weekend.

.: Can You Pass 8th Grade Math?. I can, thankfully. 10/10

3 weeks ago I gave up* Pepsi; which, if you know me at all is a minor miracle. It was getting a bit ridiculous, both in terms of dependency, and in terms of: did I really need that extra 1,000 calories a day? (I told you it was ridiculous) Since then, I’ve been eating better (though I wasn’t that bad to begin with), exercising more at all, and generally trying to get into ladeez-attracting shape.

I have also been getting horrible, unrelenting headaches.

Headaches are not uncommon for me anyway. One a day is not something foreign to me; and, in the first week, I assumed they were largely due to caffeine withdrawal. In the second week, I assumed they were due to the fact that I stare, unblinking and unmoving, at a computer screen all day. On this, the third week, I began to wonder if perhaps they were still caffeine related when, after 2 rounds of 2 Advils (meaning 4x the recommended dose of 1), I still had a pounding spike driving through just off-center of my left eye. For obvious, caffeinated reasons, Excedrin is usually my headache-drug of choice, but I have none on me, and Advil is what the office prefers.

And so I was weak, America, and fell off the wagon (on the wagon? who has a wagon anyway?).. and before literally 1/4 of the can was down my throat, my headache was magically, wonderfully gone. My energy was up, the sky was blue, the birds were singing. It was a beautiful thing; and, I wonder to myself, ‘Why am I doing this again?’

* Where "gave up" means: 'except for in Rum & Coke'... and emergencies

I need to remember to pick up my clothes from the dry cleaners for my trip to Mexico tomorrow morning… which is a strange, out of place thing to say when referring to Mexico. “Dry cleaners? What could you possibly have at the dry cleaners that you would need in Baja? Do you martinize your ratty shorts and flip flops?”

No, in fact, I do not, but I’m taking a short 4-day cruise and the idea is to keep the illusion going that I’m some super-pimpin’ uber-guy over the course of the trip. For the ladeez, you see. The captive ladeez that can’t get away save for jumping overboard.

The fact that these ladeez will most likely be 50-something divorcees is something I choose to ignore for the time being.

A friend of mine said, recently, that I was the busiest person she knows which means: a) she doesn’t know me very well, and b) I actually am surprisingly busy. So busy, it seems, that I don’t even have the time to take the classes I want to take or do the projects I want to complete. Busy doing what, though, I dunno.

Lately, it’s been building stuff and planning for things. In the near future it will be building more stuff, Mexico, and planning for other things. In the not too distant future it will be building a lot of things in a short time for cash and prizes.

And then celebrating.

Or moving in with my parents, it all depends.

Speaking of which, my parents were here last week for their annual visit. It was good, though it always makes me quieter tahn I normally am. I’m not sure why that is. It’s not a bad thing, it’s not a good thing, it’s just a thing where I find myself abnormaly sedate. I think it’s this thing where I don’t want my parents to find out how weird I really am… you know, because of the inheritance implications.

And now for something completely different

Not really. Another one of my best friends is getting married tomorrow, making it now 4 out of 5 of My Group and the second one this summer. I’m happy and excited for him (and her), but it does make you think. Always a groomsman, never a groom, you know… not that I’m exactly looking for that .

The most upsetting part of all of this is that I only have one more bachelor party to look forward to. Where else am I going to get my drunken weekends of debauchery?

My parents are visiting this week; which is a strange affair where they largely do their own thing, and then take me out to dinner when I get back from work.

This weekend, they went to the beach on their own (I was busy with a friend’s upcoming wedding preparations). Before leaving, they came by my apartment to ransack it for beach supplies.

“Do you have a beach blanket or beach towels we can borrow?”
>”Are you sure we can take this on the beach? It will get all sandy.”
“Are you sure?”
“Well, can it be washed?”
“Do you have a chair your father can sit in?”
“Do you have another chair?”
“You only have one chair?”

Then, my mom delivered the best non-intentional gut-wrenching burn of all time. It was so good that my friend Chris nearly swallowed his tongue when she delivered it. It was so good that I think I bled from my ears a little bit more than usual. It was:

“Do you still have that beach umbrella…or did ADG take that, too?!“

1. Insert knife
2. Twist
3. Repeat step #2
4. Laugh maniacally

Seriously though, and this one’s for the fellas, do any of you use the “window” in your underwear? You know, you’re apparently supposed to saunter up to the urinal, unzip but not unbutton, work your way through the labyrinth, and then do your business. All with the (apparent) convenience of not undoing your belt. Ka-loo Ka-leah (you get a dollar if you tell me how to actually spell that)!

I used the escape hatch tonight, just for old time’s sake, and it was as awkward and non-intuitive as I had remembered. I’m not sure why it continues to survive today despite having long out-lived it’s usefulness. Like suspenders. And George Dubya. *ba-dum-dum-CHING!*

Signs I need a girlfriend as soon as possible, #73

I downloaded Journey’s Don’t Stop Believin’ from iTunes because it made me feel like John Cusack in Say Anything

For my Southern friends and neighbors: The Best Video Ever