shoveling snow is for losers

I shoveled snow for the first time yesterday. It wasn’t even a lot of snow; but, it was enough to realize that it isn’t something that I want to make a habit of. Why do you people live here? My working theory is so that you will appreciate places like California all the more by contrast; whereas I, lazy and stupid from over-stimulation and unearned privilege, have become complacent in my love and will only truly understand so when it is ripped from my smooth, soft fingers plump from non-work and pampering, and I am instead placed, without ceremony or consideration, into the heartland of this god-forsaken country, to run disastrously a new Kentucky branch of my company.

What?

Also, my mom and I made chicken wings last night. My favorite of all time. Incredibly easy to make but the pay-off is huge. Paired with jasmine rice and some Thai hot sauce and you’ve got yourself a mouth-party people.

This is not my home, by the way, it is where my parents live. Having grown up in an Air Force Family, I don’t really have a home in the traditional sense. As such, whenever I stay here it feels a lot like a hotel for a very detail-oriented super-chain. I’m put up in a room that is decorated tastefully; but, at the same time has some items that remind me of my childhood. How did the management know that I had these juggling bags growing up? These books? This picture of me and my date from my highschool prom? These people have done their research.

Then, in the bathroom, atop the Better Homes @ Gardens magazines is this month’s copy of Men’s Health. And, just my luck, inside our tips on how to get 6-pack abs! And dress for more sex! I need both of those things! What are the odds? Strangely, I don’t believe that either my mom or dad read Men’s Health so it’s a mystery to me how it might have ended up in the guest bathroom.

I’m telling you, the management here has done their research.

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