…the one you are and me. I’ve been sick for days now, trying mostly to ignore it, except for the two days that I stayed home feverish and with the cold sweats. Other than that I’m running live at work, burning through my energy stores until I can barely make it home, and now I sit. Labor Day Weekend. Outside briefly to get more kleenex and sweating profusely from the effort.
Most people, maybe ALL people, want to be coddled when they are sick. Can you get me some soup? Do you know where that pillow with the picture of the spaceship on it is? When I’m sick, I just want to be left the f-alone. Except I don’t. When I turn off the TV because I realize that it’s been on for 6 hours straight, and the silence settles down around my shoulders like a thick velvet blanket, I get lonely. I don’t turn on lights. I’m typing in black and I feel disconnected. I want to be able to step out of existence until I get better, and then step back in as if I’d never left. I want to be missed and not forgotten. I want the world to stop turning just a little bit.
But at the same time, don’t look at me. Text me but don’t call. Call me but don’t expect an answer. Leave me a message so I can listen to it over and over but consider me unreachable. I want you hear for 10 minutes but not 15. Just enough for me to recharge.
I feel like I need to entertain. You came over, you called me, I need to have a story to tell you or something new for you to play with. I need to be dynamic and interesting because that is why you are here…not to get me a blanket or refill my water. You are here for the material. This is how I feel, and I don’t have the energy for The Material right now. Or, more correctly, I DO have the energy, but I am loathe to use it on you right now. I am sick, it is my one time for me to live for me. I will hoard it, and ultimately waste it in sitting in the dark typing missives to no one.