I have this recurring waking fantasy where, as I’m walking out to my car in the morning, unbeknownst to me ADG is watching me from an undescript location… sometimes from her new boyfriend’s car, sometimes from her own far away and unnoticed. She’s come because she wants to reinforce that her life is so much better without me in it, and to privately gloat a little bit at her own relative success.

So I walk out, SoCal tanned and with a spring in my step, and ADG pauses, not expecting me to look as good as I do, or to exude the level of relaxed confidence that I am. All of the sudden, the whole plan is in doubt. What has she given up? How could she have been so stupid as to let this god amongst men go? And then I get in my truck and drive away with the sun shining behind me, some appropriate rock anthem (possibly from Journey) blasting out of my stereo, and the faint sound of the general populace all turning their heads to look in my direction (a sound like smooth rocks gently slipping over themselves like playful sea otters).

And then there is the crushing regret, and she hangs her head sadly with longing and resignation.

All of this, of course, being only fantasy. At least I’m not bitter, right?

Right?

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