It’s raining here in LA this morning; which, of course, means that the world is coming to an end. The weather report says that there will be a quarter of an inch of rain in Marina del Rey this morning, which is roughly 20 times the amount of rain we usually get. insert tasteless Huricane Katrina comparison here

I picked up my liggage from LAX last night. It was sitting forlornly in the back room of the Please Come Bitch At Me Department looking a bit sheepish, like back in second grade when I accidentally broke a window via a poorly made fort that toppled over.

So I built this fort, right? It was made out of my desk chair, my bed, some blankets and pillows. I had the chair tilted at some rakish angle, held in place only by the friction of the blanket on top of it. I can’t remember the point of doing that, but I assume it had something to do with the fact that I was Building a Fort: TO THE EXTREME!

Eventually, the chair slipped out from under the blanket (of course) and fell into my bedroom window, breaking it. (note to self: blankets are not structural members) There was the sound of breaking glass, the sudden in-rush of the summer air outside… the window was clearly broken. Even so, I went slowly to my mom, and said, “I think I broke the window,” like maybe during my slow death march to report what I’d done, it had magically repaired itself.

Same thing with my luggage. When I finally found it wedged between a wrecked duffel bag and a misplaced car-seat, it looked up at me and said, “I think I got on the wrong plane.”

At which point I back-handed it across the face, grabbed it by the wrist, and dragged it to my truck screaming, “You’re goddamn right you got on the wrong plane! Don’t you EVER do that to me again!”

And then after more crying, “You know I only hit you because I was worried about you! And that I love you! You KNOW that!”

From what I can tell, all of my possessions are accounted for; even the work stuff that looks suspiciously like the makings of a bomb and the 5G iPod I borrowed from the studio.

Also, with the new influx of underwear, I suddenly don’t have to do laundry this week.