This is a copy of the e-mail I sent today:
After an interminable period of fitful starts and short contract jobs, I have finally (somehow) stumbled my way into a permanent job. For some of you, this will come as a complete surprise, as you had no idea that I was even looking in the first place. For others of you, this will come as a huge relief, as you no longer need fear my arrival on your doorstep; disheveled, hungry, and begging for “just a place to crash for a few days… really”. For most of you, this will come as entirely uninteresting news as you only barely recall who “David Kleeman” is, and whether or not you are related to him.
At any rate, as of this coming Monday, I will be employed as a mechanical engineer/product designer designing GPS devices for slightly more than peanuts. If you know me at all, you understand perfectly how this brings me ever closer to my plans for ruling the world. Wish me luck!