I’m getting a little verklempt
speak amongst yourselves
I’ll give you a topic…
Actually, give me a topic, I have blogger’s-block.
Dear Mr. Kleeman:
Thank you for taking the time to speak with me recently regarding the Project Engineer position. While we were impressed with your credentials, we have decided to select a candidate whose background and experience more closely fits our requirements.
We sincerely appreciate your interest and wish you every success, however obviously futile, in your career endeavors.
Sincerely,
Moe “Your Better” Monet
So long, and thanks for all the fish
Well, off to the weekend I go. ADG and I are heading to Yosemite to summit Half Dome…at night. The idea is to hike through the darkness, making it to the top in time for the sunrise. It’s going to be awesome.
I intend to take many pictures, but suspect many of them will look like rectangular views of your eyes-closed…from the inside. That is to say: black. We’ll see, though.
Upon my return I intend to seriously tackle the whole “re-design” thing, and explore the perils of Movable Type. Any MT users out there want to tell me why I should switch? Any die-hard Blogger users out there want to tell me why I shouldn’t?
Either way, hug your neighbor and play nice, I’ll catch you on the flip-side.
So long long ago, I launched the First Annual Kiss-Off; a contest where the ratio of the number of people you’ve kissed (and I mean, as the French do) to the number of years you’ve been on the dating scene. Obviously, the more of a promiscuous rogue you are, the higher your KiPY (Kisses Per Year)… and you should be rewarded for that!
As such, I proposed, with every earnestness in my heart, to award valuable prizes to the winners (and losers) of the First Annual Kiss-Off to be recieved at a later date. Well, as this whole so-called “unemployed” thing has begun to drag annoyingly on, I’ve come to the realization that valuable prizes may not be forthcoming as quickly as we all would have liked. Nevertheless, credit should be given where credit is due. Now, understand first that everyone who participated is a winner; but, more specifically, most of you lost. So, along with the IOU’s I’ve sent to them, here are the real winners!
Overall Winner and Top Slut, male: Jeff of cloudwrangler
Overall Winner and Top Slut, female: Tina of volatile
Overall Loser and Top Prude, female: Jessica of Soulful Spell
Overall Loser and Top Prude, male: Nick of A Simple Hero
Congratulations!
PS (notice colors are in descending orders of “hotness”. Hot damn that Dave’s clever!)
Last night, ADG and I were able to figure out our personalities. Nothing ephemeral like staring into each others eyes and reaching for the inner voids of our souls… nay, solid concrete personality analysis Meyers-Briggs variety. After much examination on both sides, it became pretty clear that I am an Idealist, a so-called INFP (Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Percieving).
As much as I don’t like the idea of being so easily categorized, I have to admit the descriptions were eerily accurate…and I don’t mean eerily accurate like a horoscope, where if you closed your eyes and threw a dart any of the descriptions would at least partially apply to you, I mean actually eerily accurate, to the detriment of all the other descriptions, and to the point where instead of going through small-talk when meeting someone, I may just hand them a copy of the INFP personality profile.
And that, my friends, was a run-on sentence.
At any rate, for those stalker amongst you, you may want to review how I am relationship-wise, as the characteristics are again uncanny.
PS What are you?
Mark your calendars
No seriously, mark your calendars NOW.
It is imperative (in much the same way that recycling, making love not war, and for ‘to give peace a chance’ be all that you are saying) that we all, as humans, watch the Anna Nicole Show. Taking a page from the Real World, Survivor, Temptation Island, and perhaps most notably, The Osbournes, so-called “blond bombshell” Anna Nicole Smith will be the subject of a new E! reality show, starting August 4th.
blink blink
Oh that’s just good television.
Much like the aforementioned Osbournes, this show is a tongue-in-cheek tribute to its subject. However, we all know that Sharon is one smart son daughter of a bitch, and that she fully appreciates the national-poking-fun the country is having at her crazy family’s expense. She has a sense of humor, she’s embracing it, and perhaps most importantly, she’s getting PAID (mo’ money, mo’ money, mo’ money).
With Anna, however… welllll… you kinda get the feeling she didn’t even know that the cameras were ever not there, so what’s the big deal? I’m left with the sad impression that the logical jump from Camera to TV hasn’t yet crossed her mind. After all, with a show tagline like “The Anna Nicole Show. Entertaining, yes. Educational, no“, you’ve gotta wonder how much advantage they’re taking of poor poor Anna (and I mean that figuratively, not cash-wise, ’cause we all now where she stands in that category).
To summarize: You. Must. Watch. And to entice you, go to the video gallery of her site, where you will see an extremely out of it Anna describe a house by saying, “To me it’s like a Mexican type. Like a cana…canabanna…cabana? cabawna?” I repeat, that’s just damn good television.
Have you ever looked at the highway while you drive?
I know what you’re thinking, “Of course I have Mystic Stranger, what a strange and silly question to ask a traveler such as I.”
But, and I ask again, have you ever really looked at the highway while you drive? It is a sad and forlorn place, uninviting, hard to the core, and horribly horribly scarred. Criss-crosses, parallel lines, majestic swoops, abruptly starting and ending in the same moment you recognize them, these scars. Tire tracks. Tire tracks that represent the million things that came before them and spelled out their existence.
Late to work, gotta hurry, so tired and bored from this long long commute, mesmerized, mesmerized, wait no! *screeeeech* whew!
Pass me, I’ll pass you. Pass you, you’ll pass me. We’ll see! rev*screeech*crush* shhhh
Is he coming over? He better not, there’s no room. I think he’s coming over. Doesn’t he see us? I don’t think so. Oh shit! *screee*rev*screeee*honk*revvvvv* Bastard.
So many stories are smeared on that pavement, the majority ending badly when represented by rubber. Some, most in fact as I watch, end abruptly in the wall. You wonder what could have been there to the right that would make them yearn so desperately for the unforgiving left. Many stay within the lanes, never drifting (though some do) meaning a short stop to get another look at that brunette behind…or less of one of that blonde in front. Few, but some, describe huge swirling arcs, irreverent of lanes, making beautiful curlicues that belie the ugliness that soon followed after.
While I drive, I see each of the creator’s in my minds eye, the awful sound of the probably echoing in my head; somehow muted by my recreation, as it occurs in the same voice as my created peel-outs as a young boy: eeerrRRRRPPP!!!!. I wonder where these scars came from.
Highway Robbery
Act I, Scene I
A man (played by David Kleeman) is seen shoving dollar bills ruefully into a vending machine. The money is spit back out at him more often than not, to his apparent consternation. Many tricks are tried, such as smoothing it along the edge of the machine…
Man: Damnit! Comeoncomeoncomeon, I don’t have all day! (considers) Well, actually I do have all day, but that’s hardly the point. Come on!
Man at identical machine two feet to left: (upon retrieving purchase) Thank you, Machine!
Man: grrrr
Act II, Scene I
fade in… a Man is still trying to insert money into a vending machine
Man: Well hell, this is going nowhere…err quickly (kicks machine)
Machine: Hey Hey Hey! I can deal with the cussing, but easy on the kicking alright?!
Man: (sheepishly) Sorry, man, but I was getting frustrated. Why won’t you take my money?!
Machine: Hey, I just work here… let me try a bit harder (swallows dollar) ahh there we go
Man: Ahh, thanks (continues inserting money) I tell you brother, this is highway robbery.
Machine: Hey, how do you think I feel? All day long people are shoving dirty bills in me, trying to pawn off that crap Canadian money, sticking their filthy hands in my slot… I mean, how’s a guy supposed to impress a lady when everyone in town’s man-handled him?
Man: Who do you have an eye on?
Machine: Ah, you know, Pepsi Machine has been looking good lately
Man: I’ll put in a good word for you. (still with the money) Hey, and what’s the deal with these prices?!
Machine: I TOLD you, I just wor…
Man: I know! But seriously! What happened to back in the day when it was 10¢ a stamp, or even the farthest back I can remember, 18¢?
Machine: Well, you know with the internet and all, people aren’t sending as much mai…
Man: Well that’s exactly my point! If you don’t have as much to send, you shouldn’t have to pay as much for new trucks and planes, or on the upkeep of your existing ones! And for the rate to go up 3¢…I mean that adds up, and you haven’t done a jump that big since 1995.
Machine: …
Man: Well?
Machine: I still need another dollar if you think you’re getting those stamps
Man: You’re a bitch, you know that?
I am not popular
According to my site’s statistics, of the Top 36 of 36 Total Countries (who knew there were 36 countries?! I thought there were, like, 5) tracked, I only got one hit each from:
.: Costa Rica
.: Saudi Arabia
.: Singapore
.: South Africa
The only reason I can think of for this apparent shunning by entire world regions is my overwhelmingly apparent racism. Either that, or the Costa Ricans could really give a flying fuck if I’m selling junk on ebay.
