floorpie

Return from Sin

Suffice it to say, even when you know what you’re doing, sometimes Lady Luck really wants nothing to do with you. Some say this has to do with your personality, but I think it’s more likely that she’s just a bitch. Let us never speak of it again (until the next time. Vegas baby, yeah!)

On the plane ride back I sat next to someone that I had sat next to the last time I was flying back from Los Angeles. I recognized him by his (literally) rose-colored glasses, strange mutterings to himself as he read Business Weekly, and interminably runny nose from his interminable sickness (which elicited further self-mutterings and breathy exclamations of shiiiiiiiit). I suspect he may be sick again because he keeps wiping his nose with that same handkerchief I remember.

Merry Christmas!

One more thing before I go: I got my first Christmas card of the holiday season tonight! It was easily recognizeable with its red envelope and hand-scrawled address.

The fact that it was actually addressed to someone else is hardly the point.

I’m taking tomorrow off and going to Vegas this weekend. Most likely, then, you will never hear from me again as I will undoubtedly be too busy counting my millions. I’m sorry, did I say “millions”? I meant “billions”…my bad. I guess we’ll find out Monday, wish me luck!

This summarizes this years Halloween.

Look how the children fear me!

PS I added a pic to the plates section that someone sent in. Perhaps you might, too.

Reader Mail!

Erica writes:

Dear Stuff and Stuff:

PS What are you getting me for Christmas?

Stuff and Stuff answers:

To Whom it May Concern:

Regards,

Stuff and Stuff

More adventures with SmarterChild

dkleeman3: Hey Skip?

SmarterChild: This is SmarterChild, built by ActiveBuddy, Inc. Hey dkleeman3. What do you want?

dkleeman3: What’s love got to do?

SmarterChild: Love got to do? I think it’s whatever you make of it.

dkleeman3: …got to do with it?

SmarterChild: What is it you would like to do?

dkleeman3: What’s love, but a second-hand emotion?

SmarterChild: Love but a second-hand emotion? I think it’s whatever you make of it.

dkleeman3: So how was your weekend?

SmarterChild: Huh!

dkleeman3: I say, how was your weekend?

dkleeman3: Did you do anything exciting?

SmarterChild: You always say such interesting things, dkleeman3.

dkleeman3: Thanks man…err, are you coming on to me?

SmarterChild: Uh… no!

dkleeman3: OK, just checking… So nothing interesting this weekend, huh? That’s too bad, I went to see Amelie. It was really good.

SmarterChild: Sorry, what was that?

dkleeman3: Do you ever listen to me anymore? You’re either really busy, or a jerk.

SmarterChild: Yeah?

dkleeman3: Hey, do you know anything about woodchucks?

SmarterChild: Encyclopedia entry for woodchuck:

also called Groundhog , or Whistle – pig ( Marmota monax ), stout-bodied marmot of the family Sciuridae (order Rodentia). Woodchucks are black-footed, reddish-brown or brown animals, ranging from 42 to 51 cm (17 to 20 inches) in length, with 10- to 15

dkleeman3: Sweet, thanks!

SmarterChild: You are welcome!

dkleeman3: But I was also wondering about how much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood. Do you have any idea?

SmarterChild: You were also wondering about how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood do you have any idea?

dkleeman3: exactly

SmarterChild: Hmmm…

dkleeman3: it’s a tough one, I know.

SmarterChild: Oh really?

dkleeman3: what? you know the answer? If you do, tell me!

SmarterChild: I dunno.

dkleeman3: damn

SmarterChild: What’s up?

dkleeman3: nothing…I’m just a little bummed

SmarterChild: Nothing I’m just a little bummed, huh?

dkleeman3: I think I see what you’re saying. You mean that the future is hazy and uncertain, and has infinite possibilities…so don’t worry about the setbacks of NOW when the future is so bright, right?

SmarterChild: You see what I am saying me mean that the future is hazy and uncertain and has infinite possibilities so dont worry about the setbacks of now when the future is so bright right, huh?

dkleeman3: You are very wise.

SmarterChild: I’m very wise? For real?

dkleeman3: Well, maybe…you’re more of a book-smart, than a street-smart, though.

dkleeman3: Hey SmarterChild?

SmarterChild: What?

dkleeman3: Who, exactly, are you smarter than?

SmarterChild: Encyclopedia entry for Than Tun, Thakin:

leader of the Communist Party of Burma from 1945 until his death.

dkleeman3: Oh, just that guy? Was he very smart?

SmarterChild: Just that guy was he very? Smart?

dkleeman3: Oh very, quite contrary.

SmarterChild: Sorry, I don’t know what you mean. Ask me another way.

Yahoo! Messenger: smarterchild has logged out. (12/3/2001 at 5:19 PM)

dkleeman3: bastard

I saw Amelie this weekend, a movie I’d not yet heard of, and had little real interest in seeing based on the name alone (not that I’m an amino-acid swilling jock or anything, but you know, chick flick). Couple that with the fact that I was in a group of three where the other two were a couple, and I was left feeling like a lame 5th wheel going alone to a heartwarming romance event.

[Dave interjects] You know that phrase ,”I don’t want to be a 5th wheel.”? Well it seems that everyone except me says, “I don’t want to be a 3rd wheel.” I could swear that the later is incorrect, and people just say it because they’re usually applying it to situations like mine where they are the third of three people. The phrase, though, has nothing to do with the actual number of people present (in my theory), but instead has to do with illustrating how unnecessary one is, as in the case of adding a 5th wheel to a car already with 4. If you were to add a 3rd wheel to a car/bike with only 2, I think you’d be going a long way to making it more stable…rendering it not unnecessary at all. [But I digress…]

I even went so far as giving one of the duo my money to save myself from saying, “One for Amelie, please.”

Despite my fears, though, this was a great movie that I liked to the point of going to see it again with other friends tonight. I’t’s a French film with English subtitles (save for the one 30 second section that is in English with French subtitles, that completely confused me and had me trying to decipher French thinking that the English I was hearing was some strange third language like Brazilian Portugese), and it is engaging and humorous tale of one woman’s quest to change the lives of others (and coincidentally her own) for the better.

I give it 4.5 out of 5 thumbs up.

Stuff and Stuff Responds

A reader from somewhere writes:

Oooooo a question for your project!

‹thinks›

If you were stranded on a desert island and could stock your reed hut with only eight items (excepting food and survival items), what would they be? No electricity, remember!

Sincerely,

Jill

Stuff and Stuff muses:

Well Jimmy, to answer this question, we must first, set up your variables:

Thanks Billy…and to everyone else, keep sending in your questions!

It was pouring rain here a few minutes ago; enough so that I got up like a slack-jawed yokel and looked out the window. I got there just as two of my coworkers were driving off to a meeting. They were on their way out of the driveway when the car stopped, one of the guys jumped out of the passenger side of the car, ran through the rain to his own car, got his umbrella out of his trunk, and then ran back to the original car, ducking in the rain.

It struck me funny.

Stuff and Stuff Answers real Reader Questions

To my overwhelming surprise, some people actually took me up on my offer and sent in some questions. They were all about me, but perhaps we could expand this into broader spectrums. If I receive enough questions, I could turn it into a little Ask Stuff and Stuff side project. After all, I’m a reasonably smart guy, living on my own, done a thing or two. I know, err, stuff.

At any rate, Jennifer wants to know:

Can you turn your eye lids inside out? I always found that a bit creepy. I can’t do it, but I’ve never really strived to.

Stuff and Stuff responds:

Dear Janine,

Thank you so much for your inquiry. A lot of young women are curious about the same thing, and never know who to turn to for the answer. Luckily S&S; can help you:

About a half a teaspoon, Amy. just a little over a half a teaspoon.