The sad things about updating your website are that:
.: you only have two people actually reading, and neither one of them cares
.: “updating” actually means “cleaning up”
.: “cleaning up” means spending hours tweaking code so that things look exactly like they did before you started. Except, you know, cleaner
So yeah, I changed things around a little bit.
Women that get to know me (as much as I allow that to be possible) often describe me as a “man’s-man”. I can fix anything, I build stuff, I drive a truck, have a deep voice, and strike an imposing figure with my smoldering good looks and chiseled jaw (OK, maybe not the last one).
Even so, I have a hard-time reconciling the moniker on days like today. Days where I hemmed two pairs of pants and patched some jeans. By myself. Using a sewing machine.
sigh
Using my sewing machine.
Is it just me, or is it a little odd that the only way to definitively tell if an iron is still hot is to actually touch it?
There’s a metaphor for love in there somewhere, I’m sure of it.
What is that thing where guys don’t flush the urinal? I’m almost positive that I’ve written about this before, but it’s clearly still a problem, and therefore bears repeating: flush the damn urinal. No one, especially me, wants to see your discarded bodily fluid sitting in a perfectly formed porcelain cup.
I just find the behaviour odd. Why would you want to leave that behind? Is it machismo? Is it marking your territory? Is it germaphobia in touching the flush-handle? I just don’t get it. Guys (almost) always flush the toilet itself. They don’t (often) leave drowning coils of crap laying around on display…I’m not saying never on that one, though…but for some reason the urinal remains consistently un-flushed.
I just think it’s weird.
My last three sent text messages speak to a higher level of understanding. Observe:
The marine layer has burned off and the sun is shining. Cigarette haze and broken dreams are all that remain. See you soon.
Hey! Just thinking of you. I suspect ur going with God right now as I sink into more sin. Ur busy with bdays tonight right? Cause if you weren't... PS it's not YOUR birthday is it? Cause if so, I need to run out and get you a pony.
Enjoy the mutt today. I always suspected that god put me second fiddle to man's best friend. So I believe it goes: canines, Dave (a different breed of dog), and rats, yes?
Who IS this Dave-guy anyway?
Why didn’t any of you SOB’s tell me how incredibly awesome Californication is? Granted, I get a cheap thrill out of the fact that it’s filmed in my neighborhood (“There’s my market!”, “That’s the house around the corner!”, “The canals!”), and now I know what they’re filming when I round the corner leaving my driveway and plow straight into a craft-services table… but it also happens to be an awesome show.
I’ve decided to model the remainder of my life on David Duchovny’s character. A modern-day Bukowski with better hair and comic timing. Not that Bukowski isn’t fucking hilarious, because he is. He’s just not groomed for primetime on Showtime.
Dave’s Life Schedule for the Last Month:
1. Work at least 10 hours…but more like 12
2. Stop by local dive-bar on way home because you “need” it
3. Play pool. Poorly
4. Leave just before last-call so that you’re not one of “those” people
5. Possibly Wash
6. Rinse
7. Repeat
Wow. Go here and take a look at my post from 02.23.2003. Or better, yet, I’ll just re-create it here:
I just spent $27 on a tank-full of regular 87 octane gas. Thank you, President Bush.
ah-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
If I may, I’d like to update it for the present day, a mere 5 years later:
I just spent $75 on a tank-full of regular 87 octane gas. Fuck YOU, President Bush.
And because I’m a dork, that equates to:
.: $48 increase in just over 5 years
.: roughly $9.00 per year
.: $0.75 per month! (accounting exactly for the 64 months it’s been since that first post)
Imagine if your precious Big Mac (which I think is about $3.50USD these days) rose $0.75 every month, America. That baby would be $8 by Christmas! [OK, so that’s not a strictly fair analogy…but it IS exciting and inflammatory, right? Just like Fox News!]
Every 6 months or so I get an over-whelming craving for a hard-boiled egg. I don’t know why, it’s just one of those things. Well, actually this time I do know why. I was reading Bukowski and he said:
I finished my beer, got up and found a bottle of vodka, one of scotch and sat down again. I mixed them with water; I smoked cigars, and ate beef jerky, chips, and hard-boiled eggs.
What? Doesn’t that make you want a hard-boiled egg?
At any rate, I never remember how long to boil the things so I always have to look it up. One “recipe” (it’s boiling water for chrissakes) said to add salt to the water towards the end of the cooking process, which will apparently help the egg to be easier to peel. To which I say:
what the fuck? Who the hell has trouble peeling a hard-boiled egg?!
As you know, LA is the center off all that is good and holy. It is also, coincidentally, fairly close to the center of all that is terrible and sinful. The number one reason for this high ranking is the fact that LA is, without exception, a car town. A massive, massive car town.
People who complain that there is no public-transit in LA are wrong. There’s a pretty well-developed bus system and even a slightly convenient metro that no one I’ve ever met has been on [TANGENT: the LA Metro gets a bad-rap from the NoCal San Francisco crowd because they have their very popular BART rail-system. Well the LA Metro may be pretty small, but the BART ain’t no picnic, either. The damn thing doesn’t even go all the way around the bay! But I digress…].
So we have the buses and the metro, but the problem isn’t the system’s themselves, it’s that LA is so damn big! Taking the bus to work would be, for me, close to 2 hours…where it takes me 35-40 minutes to drive and 55 to ride my bike. Nuts to that! And, now that gas is so expensive ($4.60 at my local station you mid-western bastards!), the $75 I pay to fill up my tank every other week is really starting to hurt.
And SO, to bring it full circle, to watch a guy walk slowly by while carrying a walker as I sat stuck in traffic…well that was just pretty lame.
