It was my house that was not my house, and I was there but not in reality, only by observation. My dad who was not my dad, or possibly just the hero in the adventure I was watching, had detected a ticking sound in the house; and, through some kind of detective work, had found the source: a ticking bomb behind the wall made of a car battery with a stopwatch-style timer strapped to a… book. This did not seem odd. I make a rare appearance by taking this understood-bomb and putting it in a backyard that actually was my backyard at one point. The logic, I think, being that it seemed to be a bomb, with the ticking and the ominous foreboding, but did not seem to actually be a bomb what with the book. So to the backyard it goes; to undoubtedly explode, but probably un-spectacularly.

My cargo delivered, I am relegated back to incorporeal observer.

>The hero and a girl, and possibly an older woman, discuss the bomb, which has now become a number of bombs, also found behind the wall but placed gingerly in the backyard. There conversation is unintelligible, only the subject is clear. Suddenly, but rather un-spectacularly as predicted, the first bomb explodes in a puff of smoke or steam, and standing in it’s place is a kind of spirit-zombie in hyper black and white. It is understood that he has only malice in mind.

He begins chasing people around the backyard (there are now more people) until he catches one and presumably kills him, though the body itself (and the zombie) disappear. More bombs go off and more people disappear as a result. Eventually, only the girl remains (and me as an observer) and she is able to absorb several zombies without disappearing. She, with great effort, tells me to run, run, run! while there’s still time! And I do, having only just recently reappeared on the scene.
>
I run right into wakefulness.

Posted in uncategorized | Comments Off on

I’m fairly certain that the idiots are getting out of hand. I know the Bible says that the meek shall inherit the earth, but that’s not for, like, five to seven years, so for now to hell with them. The idiot-proofing on product packaging is getting just a bit too, um, idiot-proof in my opinion.
>
Whatever happened to the heady days of the late 70’s and early 80’s, where if you really couldn’t figure out how to open your bottle of anti-depressants, you simply banged them forcibly on the table until the bottle burst open like that one guy’s skull back in summer camp that I never told anyone about?

Or what about peripheral vision? The skills mastered through regularly cheating off your neighbor’s math test are the same needed when sidelong glancing at that obviously much cooler fella to your left who has no problem casually inserting his straw into his Capri-Sun. Observe and copy, observe and copy.
>
This morning, while showering my chiseled and toned 6’3″ temple of a body, gently cleansing each muscular fold of my rippling abs, I ran out of soap. In a blind, stinking panic I reached for a new bar from the bathroom cabinet, precariously leaning out of the shower and retrieving one through expertly aimed toilet-brush swipes. My prize in hand, and my heart-rate quickening, I was overjoyed to see that the little box packaging my Irish Spring helpfully had “open here” on it’s flap.
>
Actually, when I saw that “open here” I got slightly amused, followed by annoyed, then hungry, then a little peeved. “Is this really necessary?” I thought to myself in my apparently genius-like mind. So, as a show of extreme rebellion, I opened the other, non-labeled side. Strangely, the world failed to crash in upon itself, and we all live to fight another day.

Posted in uncategorized | Comments Off on

Let’s say you work in a building with a locked front door that you need a code to open. Let’s further say that you are a person trying to get into the building, but don’t know the code. Let’s continue to further go on and say that someone who is in the building (and then therefore presumably belongs there), happens to exit just as you are tying to get in. Would it be:

A. very rude to immediately attempt to enter the building without yielding for the exiter, or even indicating any measure of thanks for letting you in to a building that you may think you belong in, but have as yet given no sign that you actually do, or ability to facilitate said entry, or,
>B. in fact, incredibly rude to do the above, or,
C.mind-bendingly excruciatingly rude to do the above above, especially as it has happened a number of times to the exiter, or,
>D. none of the above… just merely adequate provocation for murder

Posted in uncategorized | Comments Off on

And you people voted for Bush, why?
>

The U.S. information tech sector lost 403,300 jobs between March 2001 and this past April, and the market for tech workers remains bleak, according to a new report.

Perhaps more surprising, just over half of those jobs — 206,300 — were lost after experts declared the recession over in November 2001, say the researchers from the University of Illinois-Chicago.
>
In all, the researchers said, the job market for high-tech workers shrank by 18.8 percent, to 1,743,500 over the period studied.

As reported here
>
Also, for reasons I’ve not the interest to delve into, The Green and Libertarian parties have raised the funds needed for a recount in Ohio. Assuming the results change, that would put Kerry at 272 and Bush at 266.
>
Also, we would miraculously find Osama bin Laden.

Posted in uncategorized | Comments Off on

More fun with SPAM

From: nottc@attbi.com
To: Yours truly
Re: climbing over the barriers,

Tue, 16 Nov 2004 14:52:20 -0200:

After viewing your record we are unable to a p prove your m o r tgage at the rate of 3.5%. However we can a p prove you at 4.21%.
>
If you are satisfied with our new deal, then we will need you to

verify some information below. http://www.helpggg.com/

Thank you
Lamar

And my reply:

Dearest Lamer:

>Thanks for getting back to me about my mortgage application, I really appreciate it. I also appreciate your astounding ability to anticipate my needs, apply me for something I didn’t know I needed, reject me, and then let me back in at a more suitable level for my apparent financial situation. I’m sure my credit rating would have come back much higher if it reflected the amount of money I will soon be getting from one of the crown Prince’s of Sudan upon his escape from the tyranny of his God-forsaken country. Please bear with me.

Also, I hate you.

I look forward to his prompt reply.

Posted in uncategorized | Comments Off on

This weekend I was able to drive on the 405 with my cruise control on; which, if you know L.A. is extremely rare and nearly newsworthy. That it was 3 in the morning has less to do with it than you’d think, as the 405 is always always packed.

Posted in uncategorized | Comments Off on

The Jawbone

The Jawbone

This thing is (appears to be) incredible. It’s beautiful, and seemingly very functional (check out the “Try Me” section where the noise of a busy airport is virtually wiped clean of the transmission). I can’t help but think that the talker will still be yelling in to his/her phone, though, as they still percieve themselves in a loud environment.
>
Other drawback? $150.

Posted in uncategorized | Comments Off on

There are times in Life when you are clearly reminded of how uncool you are, and probably always have been. Take, for instance, getting a copy of Halo 2 the day it is released, just like all the other 15 year olds.
>
Oh, but wait, I’m twice that age. Dork!

Posted in uncategorized | Comments Off on

Over the past few hours Yasser Arafat has been dead, in critical condition, not dead yet and thinking he might like to go for a walk, and dead again… which really means the same thing it did when we found out that Princess Diana was in a serious car accident, and the extent of her injuries were “unknown”. Why his officials should be any less than brutally honest, considering his condition, is beyond me. Then again, I’m just a dumb kid.

.: Firefox 1.0 released. I personally use, Mozilla (same difference), and love it eternally and completely.
>.: Druggist refuses to give out birth control pills based on moral argument
.: Americans want to be
Canadians - I can't wait. It'll be just like that Simpsons episode where they move the whole town a few miles down the road.

Posted in uncategorized | Comments Off on

Is it juvenille that, while being handed the last of my ten items or less grocery store purchases (which happened to be a 12-pack of toilet paper), I laughed out loud when the bag-boy gave me a polite smile and said, “Have a good one?”

Ah, but if only he knew. If only he knew.

Posted in uncategorized | Comments Off on