floorpie

It was another beautiful weekend in Southern California.

In case you’re keeping track, it’s always a beautiful weekend in Southern California.

Even when it’s a horrible Tuesday with rain and flooding.

Not that this particular Tuesday is like that, of course. This particular Tuesday it is another beautiful weekend in Southern California.

ADG, a Friend of ADG’s (FOADG), a Friend of Dave’s (FOD), and I rode along the coast from Venice to Hermosa. 20-something miles round-trip, but it ain’t no thang when you’re having another beautiful weekend in Southern California. In fact, we all got a little sunburned. Sunburned in the beginning of March because it was 90 degrees and brilliantly sunny. It’s sleeting in Washington D.C. (karma for a certain conservative I’m sure), and I’m out getting sunburned and loving it.

When in a meeting given by upper management where They say something along the lines of, “Again, we need to focus more on blah blah blah,” in which they never actually mentioned what we needed to focus on prior to their present statement (therefore negating the need for the use of “again”), the implied admonishment for not having understood the non-existent first admonishment for not doing what we are presently be admonished for… really irks me.

In other words: don’t start a sentence with “again”, until you actually would be repeating yourself… again.

Fierce

Political Strategery

Dubya’s doing a good job of showing why he shouldn’t be our President this week, as he starts campaining in March. The sitting President feels he needs to start campaining 8 months before the election. That tells you a couple of things: (1) he’s not quite as dumb as he looks (or at least his advisors aren’t) (2) he really is out in November.

At any rate, he’s started the campaining blitzkrieg with some television ads in which scenes from 9/11 are prominently featured. The idea being (presumably) that we, as the American People, be reminded of what has happened to us during Bush’s term, and how he dealt with it so (presumably) positively.

I don’t need to be reminded of that terror. Not by an inept leader whose policies I largely don’t agree with, and definitely not for his vapid political gain.

I am not, by the way, implying that I don’t want to remember, and would rather it all just went away. I am implying that I, nor the American people I would wager, need the reminder.

It’s on everyone’s mind.

Show us some respect.

Go get the evil-doers dancing around their Axis of Evil.

Here’s a hint: They ain’t in Iraq.

I quieted my thoughts for a while and honestly considered whether or not my feelings of distaste stem from my feelings of distaste with the current administration. I was as objective and soul-searching as I am capable of. Was I being unfair?
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I wasn’t. That just really is in poor taste… especially as the Bush camp has said that they would not use the attacks for political gain. It wouldn’t matter if it was a candidate I really believed in, you just don’t drag national tragedy out into your political arena to garner a sympathy vote.

You just don’t.

I would even go so far as to say that some of the conservative right among you, might be open enough to agree with me. I’m all for a spirited and honest political campaign. I’m independent, I vote both sides of the fence for what I think is right. I want to be convinced of your policies, your stance, and your morals on issues I care about it. I don’t want my heart-strings pulled at at the expense of fellow citizens that have suffered a loss I pray never to know.

This article illustrates how out of touch past politicians and political analysts can be. Incensed with Urban Outfitters new line of T-shirts declaring “Voting is for Old People”, a Harvard political institute released a statement decrying the company in this statement:

We would be eager to work with you to suggest alternative products that send the right message to America’s young people, and better reflect the considerable social conscience and political participation of today’s youth. You might consider ‘Voting Rocks!’

I don’t want to tell Urban Outfitters how to run their business, but I would suggest that they not consider it.

The best part of that is imagining stodgy old men sitting around an oak-paneled boardroom trying to come up with hip teenage slogans.

Down with Pinkos!
Woah Bill, I don’t know if that’s edgy enough…
Fiscal Responsibility is Keen!
Oooh, that has legs…

I honked at four different people on the way to work today, which is rare for me, and really speaks to the level of inconsiderate driving the honk-ees were engaging in. Then I came in and looked out my window to see beautiful snow-capped mountains in the near distance framed by perfect palm trees in the nearer near. No complaints.

Back in high school, I took Driver’s Ed as an elective in my junior year. It was the last year my high school was offering the class as part of the curriculum… which may explain the bad drivers I come across nowadays. Or I’m a hypocrite. One or the other, I’m sure.

At any rate, we were shown a laughable educational film that was literally made back in the ’50’s, characters named “Billy” and “Timmy”, poodle-skirts, and classic cars. I’m not sure if my memory is correct on this, but I choose to believe it was black and white with horrible sound as well.

The point of said film was to teach us about responsible horn use. As it turns out, horns aren’t designed as an aural manifestation of your anger, but instead as a courteous warning to other driver’s and pedestrians. It isn’t an after-the-event thing, it’s pre-emptive.:

.: Little Timmy is playing awfully close to the street. Give a quick tap of the horn to let him know you’re coming. *beep beep*
.: You can’t see around that parked delivery truck. You never know if Billy will run out into the street after his ball. Better give a few quick taps, just to make sure *beep beep*
.: Changing lanes? Be sure to turn your signal on, look carefully, and then sound the horn to make sure that you’re in the clear *beep beep*

I am not exaggerating. The fact that it would be a veritable cacophany of honking and beeping if we were all to behave this way didn’t seem to bother the good people at the DMV when they had this film commissioned. Freeways would be an un-ending wall of sound… but apparently ear-bleeding noise means safety, so I for one intend to comply.

The best thing about this picture, to me, is the caption that goes with it:

This detail photograph shows the diamond-studded dress from Randi Rahm worn by Maria Menounos, ‘Entertainment Tonight’ host for the Oscar Arrivals telecast, on the red carpet at the 76th annual Academy Awards in Hollywood, California February 29, 2004. The one-of-a-kind dress is emblazoned with 3,000 hand-sewn round, princess and marquis-cut colored stones totaling two thousand carats, weighs 2.5 lbs and is worth $2.5 million. Menounos’ breasts, valued at over $10,000 were provided by Dr. Sal Calabro of Howard Stern show fame. Dr. Calabro could not be reached for comment. REUTERS

I didn’t watch one second of the Academy Awards this year; and, from what I can tell, I didn’t miss much. Actually, that’s not entirely true, I saw Eugene Levy and Mrs.-Something-From-Home-Alone singing that song from A Mighty Wind on mute while having a romantic dinner in Venice with ADG.

Did I mention, by the way, that I live in the Best Place on Earth™? I do. 10 minute walk from the best beach in California, walking distance from the best food in California, walk from the best view in California, and a one-car garage… what more could one ask? Not to mention (though now I am), that everyone thinks I live in Europe. Best Place on Earth™

Caption this, please

I have this fantasy. Actually, that’s not quite true as “fantasy” implies something that I would be happy to happen, and look forward to with unrequited longing. I have, then, more of a recurring vision; which, incidentally, I hope is also not a perfect description as “vision” to me means a portent of something inevitable to come, where this event is not something I’d at all be interested in.

So the fantasy.

I’m driving my car and talking on my cell phone (oh my God, that is, like, SO L.A.!). It doesn’t really matter who it is I’m talking to, as long as it’s not someone impersonal like Cingular Customer Service or Bill Jeffries calling about the LA Times. This first bit, by the way, isn’t the fantasy part. This first bit are the actual and real conditions under which this fantasy strikes me. I’m driving my car, talking on the cell phone (usually when I have these little interludes, I have the phone up to my ear instead of via my hands-free set), driving usually on the freeway (or somewhere similarly dangerous). I drift off a bit, mentally, in the conversation. That is not to say that I am no longer paying attention, it’s more that I do this thing (in these situations, and in many others), where part of me just floats out of my head and observes the conversation from a different angle… usually to the right, and slightly above and behind my head. My mind’s eye then usually pans in an arc on my right side, coming to rest even higher but more between my head and the person I’m addressing… or just in front of me in the case of talking on a phone. But I digress.

I’m driving, talking, paying close attention, and observing when (suddenly), the observing part of my brain begins to fantasize about what it would be like if I got in a horrible car accident right… NOW. And then… NOW. And… NOW! The thing is, though, I don’t consider this situation from my own perspective: screeching of tires, panic and quick reactions, twisting metal, shattering glass, perhaps airborne for a moment, etc, etc.

Instead, I think of it from the point of view of the caller: “So anyway, I told her that if she was going to go to the trouble of actually buying a futon, then she might as well just…” screeech, crash, screaaaam, arghhh…. eerie quiet, subtle moaning, ticking of hot engines “Hello? Ohmygod, hello?! Dave?! Call 911! Call 911!! Wait, no, ohmygodohmygod, hello?!”

and scene

The odd thing is that I actually enjoy this fantasy. Again, though, I don’t consider what might have happened to me, I just think about how absolute freaky it would be for the guy/girl on the other line. How everyone probably wonders if something like that ever happens, but never actually hears about it, and dear God, now it’s happening to me. I can’t imagine (or rather, I can, and do). As a variation, I sometimes think of myself on the other end of the line (though while I’m still, in reality, driving, inexplicably). This side is not nearly as entertaining, and thrice as rare.

The thing about work is that it keeps you busy.

I’ll bet you didn’t know that, but it’s true.

Especially when you live far enough away from work to want to leave fairly early in the morning to beat the rush, and work closely with Asian vendors so that you have to stay late enough to talk to them. And so it goes.

Work also keeps you busy, incidentally, when it schedules you to be in Taiwan for a month… perhaps longer… and then maybe China proper for good measure for a week or so. And so it goes.

I like the traveling, though. The Business Class, the rooms for free, the driver with the new Mercedes or Volvo. Those things are good. Being away from your girlfriend, your friends, your things that make the world go ’round for you, your discernible TV, make it hard. As does eating out every. single. meal. for 30 days.

Which probably explains how snack-sized Pringles and a Vanilla Coke out of the mini-bar became at least one night’s dinner on my last visit. But I digress… or rather I didn’t as their isn’t a theme to digress from. I’m just saying, yo.

ADG went to a movie premier last night and met Patrick Swayze. Oddly, he seemed (to her) somewhat aloof for an actor of fading fame, which just goes to show that an asshole is an asshole no matter how much money he has, or how recognizable to the general population. Not, of course, to say that The Swayze was an asshole, I’m just saying in general… yo.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the most exciting thing that happened to me while movie “stars” were cavorting about, was that I recorded my tax refund in Quicken (Quicken, by the way, being something that everyone should use. I cannot tell you how easy it makes balancing your accounts and seeing your financial situation. Actually, yes I can tell you: Quicken makes balancing your accounts and seeing your financial situation extremely easy). And so it goes.