News from the Dark Side
From my Dad, living and working in the D.C. area, and referring to Isabel:
To: Son
From: Dad
Subject: Home on a 4-day weekendFederal Government is closed, metro is shut down, all schools are closed, all city and county governments are closed and states of emergency have been declared in Virginia and Maryland. All this at year-end.
Besides all that, having a nice nap.
Dad
Gotta appreciate a sense of humor.
In stark contrast to Lockheed Martin (where I once worked, and hated), there are no obscene drawings or messages in the bathroom stalls here. I take this as a good sign of the professionalism and generally happy demeanor of those employed here.
There also, as it happens, haven’t been any real and troubling threats of physical violence over the mil-spec of a waveguide… but why would there be, really, this not being aerospace?
I discover new things everyday around here (well, it being my third day, what would you expect?). Case in point, in the break room there are these two bookcases full of books. On one of them is a sign stating:
Take a book, bring it back or don’t
They are here for your enjoyment
Please bring your used books to help our library grow
I think that’s cool.
Of course, the majority of the books are crap, but it’s the idea that I like…
Amazon recommends that I pick up a Segway Human Transporter for a mere $4,950 plus shipping and handling.
Amazon knows me better than I know me.
They rationalize their recommendation by pointing out that I did indeed purchase or rate the following items (among others):
.: Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens
.: The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
.: Old Man and The Sea by Ernest Hemingway (Author)
.: Generation X by Douglas Copeland
.: Dharma Bums by Jack Kerouac
.: Don Quixote by MIguel Cervantes
etc., etc.
Clearly it was the Don Quixote read that screamed, “This guy needs a SEGWAY!”
>
Incidentally, you will not be surprised to note that customers purchasing a Segway also bought:
When I first got laid-off, lo those many month ago, I felt strange whenever I would venture out into the real world. I suddenly realized that nearly all of those people clogging the roadways during working hours were people just like me: the unemployed. Prior to my losing my job, I had oft wondered, “What do all of these people do for a living? Don’t they have jobs to get to?!” The answers, it turns out, are nothing and no.
Going to lunch was an uncomfortable experience. Though I was sure I was invisible to the gainfully employed, I still felt self-conscious… perhaps because I knew all of the unemployed were checking me out just as I did them. They were easy to spot: typically in shorts and exuding an air of non-hurried non-expectation. They were usually alone (as I was), reading (as I was), staring off into space (as I was), and slightly forlorn with a suppressed glee at having little to no responsibility.
When I went to lunch today, I couldn’t find my old comrades anywhere. Everyone in shorts were in business shorts with belts and pagers clipped to the side. All of those alone were concentrated on eating; and that in a hurry. No one was reading; lest it be their receipt, or their phone, or whatever small distraction there was to pull their eyes away from the food they were consuming at an alarming rate, and the back of the like-minded person in front of them. It occurred to me then, that the unemployed and drifted back into unreality again, that soon I would be wondering what all these people were doing out on the roads and not at their desks, that I was, for the time being) out of The Club.
I miss The Club. The benefits were a joke, but the pace was relaxing. I will try and slow down enough each day to try and see a few of the old comrades.
The Joys of Commuting
One freeway closure (for “emergency” roadwork that just happens to be during the commute hours of 6-9. I highly suspect that Caltrans enjoys doing that), one hit-the-wall-then-spin-out-to-face-the-wrong-direction, and four tow-truck slowdowns later and I get to work.
I am neither bright-eyed, nor bushy-tailed.
Still glad to be here, though…
Day One
It’s Day One at the new job. I have a pretty awesome free mug to show for it so far, not to mention a flat-screen monitor that I am fairly drooling over. The day hasn’t been all sunshine and roses, of course, as my voicemail password doesn’t work.
Perish the thought.
What’s more likely, of course, is that I’m just an idiot. At any rate, it’s weird good to be employed.
I receive my sample ballot for the California Gubernatorial Election today.
“Goober” is right.
There are SEVEN pages of candidates plus one more for some little-mentioned ballot issues involving unimportant issues like several billion dollar bonds and state citizen classification by race. ahem
At any rate, the ballot is a long and storied one, with roughly equal (to the naked eye, at least) distribution of Republican and Democratic candidates with some Independent, Libertarian, and Greens sprinkled in for good measure. The list is a star-studded one with such luminaries as:
.: Joel Britton – Retired Meat Packer
.: Paul Nave – Businessman/Prizefighter/Father
.: Trek Thunder Kelly – Business Executive/Artist
.: Robert “Butch” Dole – Small Business Owner
.: Kurt E. “Tachikaze” Rightmyer Middleweight Sumo Wrestler
.: Michael Jackson – Satellite Project Manager
Personally, I’m expecting great things from Governor Butch.
This is a copy of the e-mail I sent today:
All-After an interminable period of fitful starts and short contract jobs, I have finally (somehow) stumbled my way into a permanent job. For some of you, this will come as a complete surprise, as you had no idea that I was even looking in the first place. For others of you, this will come as a huge relief, as you no longer need fear my arrival on your doorstep; disheveled, hungry, and begging for “just a place to crash for a few days… really”. For most of you, this will come as entirely uninteresting news as you only barely recall who “David Kleeman” is, and whether or not you are related to him.
At any rate, as of this coming Monday, I will be employed as a mechanical engineer/product designer designing GPS devices for slightly more than peanuts. If you know me at all, you understand perfectly how this brings me ever closer to my plans for ruling the world. Wish me luck!
– Dave
Things that make you go…
.: At the beach, a delivery truck driver taking a break by sitting in his car by the ocean, listening to the radio. He seemed to be enjoying himself, as he should what with paying for parking, listening to Mariah Carey and relaxing. The only thing was, he was facing the wrong way.
.: There are always birds in the street (“always“, he said, italicizing it sarcastically). You drive along and come within inches of hitting several. What are they doing out there? If I was a bird, I don’t think I would choose the blacktop to look for worms. Do we really throw that many half-eaten Krispy Kremes out the window?
.: Driving buy an elementary school I noticed that the bulk of the 5 and 6 year olds didn’t have backpacks; they had rolling luggage. Granted, I don’t have a job right now, but even when I did I couldn’t justify a briefcase, let alone a piece of full-sized luggage. What are they teaching kids these days that necessitates so much carry space?!
