There are two kinds of people in this world: the fuck-hole who realizes he needs to be in the left-turn lane and sits stopped at a green light blocking all the thru-traffic until the left arrow comes on and he can cut in front of all the other patiently waiting left-turners with enough moistened brain cells to be ready and waiting in the first place…and me.
This douchebag didn’t hold me up, he didn’t cause me to miss the light, he didn’t do anything to me other than give me another salient reminder of how fucking full of themselves people are. You are that important, are you, to literally stop traffic because you’re too stupid or lazy to drive up a half a block and make a legal U-turn? The seconds you’ve saved in your own miserable existence will be put to better use than the seconds you’ve wasted of the 10’s of people behind you? When a butterfly beats its wings in Hong Kong a tornado lands in Kansas…I wonder how many people in that line of frustrated victims was now off their fated time just enough to be clipped by a red-light runner they might otherwise have missed?
My frustration isn’t really the driving part, honestly…it’s the lack of consideration. I’m pretty widely regarded as an asshole because of my caustic and preternaturally quick wit; but, I am at least considerate. I would never have dreamed of inconveniencing so many perfect strangers, I don’t stop in the middle of doorways, and I say “Bless you” when you sneeze whether I believe it will save your non-existent soul or not. I’m just not that guy. I recognize your needs and if not provide them, at least do nothing to hinder them. Why? Because as arrogant and self-absorbed of a prick I may be, I’m not that selfish to think that I’m any more important than anyone else.
And I’m not.
And neither are you. Get over yourselves, humanity, and get the fuck out of the way.
This message was brought to you by 3 hours of sleep.