You Can’t Keep a Good State Down

Last night, I had trouble sleeping. Truth be told, most nights I have trouble sleeping what with the chronic insomnia and all, but last night was especially diificult… namely because the sky was falling.

Oh, did you know it could actually do that? It’s true!

For those of you living in states with actual “weather” and those mythical things called “seasons”, I’m sure this is going to sound very over-dramatic to you; but, last night it hailed. In L.A. It hailed in L.A. Like, ohmygod, hail! With, like totally lightening and everything, you know? It was loud, it was violent, and it was hail! I haven’t seen hail since I used to live in Texas, where baseball-sized ice balls were the norm of the day. It’s to be expected, though, in Texas as it’s the 8th Circle of Hell (why else would Bush Satan be living there?). In California, though, especially SoCal, hail is news.
>
But, in only the way Eden California can and as my webcam can atest, it’s sunny with the occasional wisp of puffy clouds, now. Of course.

Posted in uncategorized | Comments Off on

Today’s News Headlines That Made Me Laugh

I want your sexGeorge Michael: I quit pop music
Really, George? Really? That’s like my usual response to people asking, “What happened to XXXXX?” (where “XXXXX” is the girl I had been dating at the time):
>
“Oh, ummm… we made the mutual decision to stop seeing each other.”
>
Which of course really means, “Oh, ummm… she dumped me when I found out she was sleeping with someone else.”
>

Vatican offers exorcism courses
From the article:

In 1999, the Vatican issued its first new guidelines since 1614 for driving out devils, offering cautions to exorcists about taking psychiatric problems into account.

The updated exorcism rite, first issued in Latin and contained in a red, leather-bound book, was a reflection of Pope John Paul II’s efforts to convince the skeptical that the devil is very much in the world. At the time, he gave a series of homilies denouncing the devil as a “cosmic liar and murderer.”

Hmmm, the Church issues guidelines about the scary devil in 1614, and the Inquisition threatens to destroy Galileo for his crazy defense of the Copernican thoery that the Earth isn’t actually the center of the universe in 1616. Yeah, that whole religion thing really sounds like something I want to get behind. As long as I’m getting all of my facts from 400 year old craziness, I might want to check this out, too.

Posted in uncategorized | Comments Off on

A friend of a friend is in The Business, see? In L.A. “The Business” doesn’t mean the same thing as it does in Chicago (the Family, Friends of Ours, the MOB), for instance, or even in Iowa (standardized educational testing. In L.A. “The Business” means entertainment baby… pick-chahs see?
>
This friend of a friend has access to The Academy screeners sent out by motion picture companies to the Oscar voters for their consideration. They are DVD’s, though without the extras, and with the occassional appearance of “Not For Resale” along the bottom.

They are also free.
>
To that end, I have seen Million Dollar Baby and The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou over the past few days.

Slight tangent: Have you noticed how movie titles are getting longer and longer these days? Not all of them, of course, but it seems the days of simple one-word titles seem to be waning. Compare Rocky to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

But I digress… well, not really as I don’t have a particular point in this post. Except to say: Bill Murray remains, unequivocally, The Man; and, $1,000,000 was good, but depressing… or at least sad. I’ve not seen all of the other Oscar contenders, but I’m not sure I would vote for it to take the big prize home. I do, however, highly support the Dirty Harry Lobby, so there’s that to consider.
>
There is also the slight detail that I could care less who wins the Oscars. I may live in L.A. but I’m not that “L.A.”, if you catch my meaning.

Posted in uncategorized | Comments Off on

Teen Gets 30 years in Zoloft Murder Case.

Have you heard about this freak? He killed his grandparents, and then blamed it on Zoloft for making him not know right from wrong.

Zoloft made him do it.

>Zoloft, the anti-depressant, made him do it.

Zoloft, the anti-depressant, made him shoot his gradfather in the mouth and grandmother in the head while they slept, torch their house, and then drive off in their car.
>
Or maybe, just maybe, you’re a psycho asshole kid. Maybe.

>The “best” part of the article:

Pittman cried Tuesday as his father and other family members asked for leniency.

“I love my son with all of my heart,” said Joe Pittman, whose parents were the victims. “And if my mom and dad were here, I know they would be begging you for mercy.”I’m sure they would be begging for mercy… but unfortunately they’re not available for comment right now do to a prior engagement or something. Gee where are they? Son, do you remember where nanna and papa are? Golly judge, sorry about that, but if they were here (instead of being headless worm-food), I’m sure they’d vouch for my son.
>
Do I sound bitter? Sorry, I just hate it when people make excuses and don’t take responsibility for their own actions.
>

I'm not sure how I missed this, but one of my favorite architects, Philip Johnson, died at 98 last month.

Posted in uncategorized | Comments Off on

I don’t know who got to my site by searching for adamant urinal, or why I’m only #7 on the list, but I think I just found the name for my new gospel punk band.

Posted in uncategorized | Comments Off on

iTunes is offering $2 off this year’s Grammy award-winning albums; which, after sampling and reviewing, have reminded me how out of touch with the kidz I am… or at least the 13-15 jet-setters.

>I’m not saying that I didn’t like any of it, but, I am saying that I didn’t like a lot of it. I mean, where was the White Lion and the White Snake? I kiiid, I kid.

Posted in uncategorized | Comments Off on

A short clip of your hero and mine, Heather Armstrong of dooce.com, appearing on ABC World News Tonight.

It’s impossible to say enough good things about Heather, at least as it pertains to her blog persona. I absolutely remember her getting fired for her blog, having started my own not too long before she was let go. I was shocked, I was outraged, and I was a little fearful of what my co-workers, if given the opportunity, might do with the knowledge of my thoughts. It’s awesome to see that Heather, after fighting the good fight, and in a class way, came out on top.
>
Three cheers…

(via dmkjr.com, thanks for hosting this)

Posted in uncategorized | Comments Off on

HOLeewoooood
Ever have one of those things that you think you’re supposed to do but never actually have? That’s me above doing one of those things. If you live in the L.A. vicinity, you “have” to do a few different things:

1. go to the Hollywood sign
2. see the Hollywood Walk of Fame
3. go to the House of Blues
4. buy crack from a transvestite hooker while on #2

Three out of four ain’t bad, and I hope to go to the House of Blues as soon as somebody good comes through.

Google Maps
Intuitive, bigger maps, draggable interface... I like it.
Teacher charged with having sex with 13-year old student:
Two things come to mind about this (1) is it just me or are these terrible, perverted teachers getting hotter and hotter? and (2) What kind of rap does that 13-year old have?!

Posted in uncategorized | Comments Off on

The thing I don’t understand about translations, besides the original language, is why They put a the before whatever the language is translated from. For instance, before the story starts in the Haruki Murakami book I’m reading it says:

Translated from the Japanese by Jay Rubin

See that little “the” in there? What’s that all about? Do They say, “Translated from the English by Cletus McSmith” in the Japanese version of Nora Roberts’ novels?

‘Cause if they do, that just sounds weird.

Posted in uncategorized | Comments Off on

The Divine Miss EThe thing about being a famous L.A. blogger is not the fame and fortune, which is nice, it’s the constant and unrelenting calls from Carmen Electra. Not that I mind, per say, she’s a nice enough girl, but I do think it starts to get on ADG’s nerves from time to time.
>
At least I think so… what would you say, “Why is that ho calling you again?” means?

I try to explain to her that she’s not a ho anymore, that she and Dennis Rodman are divorced, but it doesn’t really sink in. Then, I show her a picture of Dave Navarro and ADG’s eyes glaze over, so I suppose it’s all good.
>
At any rate, Carmen called me the other day to ask if this runway picture made her look fat. I was all, “That picture don’t make you look fat, your gut does! Oooooh!” She knew I was joking but you’d be surprised how low her self-esteem is, and I spent the next 5 minutes reminding her that she’s America’s favorite sex symbol. She cried a little; but, when she realized that she was crying into her favorite cashmere sweater, she remembered how fabulously wealthy she was and got over it.

The other reason I may have posted this pic, was so that my co-workers would suddenly get embarassed when they pulled up my page at their desks… thereby saving me from having them read it while I’m talking to them. That’s just wrong.

Posted in uncategorized | Comments Off on