floorpie

So don’t judge me, but I’m selling some stuff on ebay. It’s highly likely that you will draw some conclusions about me based on the items I’ve once owned, but I urge you to disregard that completely and instead keep on with the fantasy that I’m some totally hott supa-star. *ahem* You know, like you’ve been doing… yeah.

Also, I have some ol’ PC video games that I’m not bothering to put on ebay, but any of you can have for, I dunno $5 and shipping? E-mail me if you’re interested and get an autographed picture suitable for framing with purchase! (how funny would that be?)

Who’s that on your wall?
Oh, that’s Dave of Stuff and Stuff
Who?
Dave of Stuf… umm, my cousin

Anyway, the games in question (PLEASE don’t judge me) are:

.: Tomb Raider Gold
.: Shrak ad-on for Quake
.: Command & Conquer
.: Command & Conquer – Red Alert
.: Red Baron II
.: Jane’s ATF
.: Starsiege Tribes

All games are in great, usable condition and come included with all documentation. Own a piece of Stuff and Stuff memorabilia today!

And thus ends my ignominious decent into hell.

So I’m under a lot of stress, and not feeling very funny… sorry about that. As for Canada, I’m dragging my feet and still undecided. Of course, I already signed the offer and accepted the job, but since then all I’ve wanted to do is get out of it. Something about being far away, alone, and relatively broke that I don’t find appealing. It looks, though, that if I stay here I’ll be alone and broke, too, so that’s not much incentive is it?

And so that’s where I am today.

Also, Jack Nicholson is losing his sex drive. Thank GAWD, now there’s finally hope for the rest of us! (OK, maybe that was a little funny… maybe)

Jive turkey

Daih' Dave,

Thank yo' ass real damn much 4 yo' applicashun an' yo' interest in Frog! Da bomb!

As we have seen, yo' ass have some lot o' qualificashuns an' fly skills but unfortunate-like, at dis moment we caint offa' yo' ass some posishun.

We wish yo' ass all da best 4 yo' puh'sonal an' professional future!

Regards,
S. Schmid, dig dis:-)

Turn your own e-mail rejection letters (or whatever) into jive, instantly. Let your friends never doubt that you are indeed, keeping it real.

(link via Crob who has no page and is powerless to stop me)

You know that whole thing with the moving to Canada and stuff? Yeah… not so much. Stay tuned.

Breaking News!

I know all you other unemployed people are watching it, too: The Winona Ryder Sentencing!

.: supervised probation for 36 months
.: one day in jail, time-served
.: fine of $1,000 plus penalties. Total: $2,700
.: restitution fine of $1,000
.: restitution to Saks of $6355.40
.: 480 hours community service (240 hours at The City of Hope, 120 hours at the Foundation for the Junior Blind, 120 hours at Caring for Babies with AIDS)
.: must participate in drug and psychological counseling
.: must seek employment
.: subject to search/seizure with/without a warrant or probable cause
.: must keep the court apprised of her whereabouts, jobs, and contact information
.: ordered to stay away from drugs and drug-related people (there goes the rest of Hollywood)

I’m a PC-guy so there’s no love lost between me and Macs. In fact, I had the opportunity to use a Mac while in Texas and, I not only crashed it three times in two days, but I found the lack of multiple mouse buttons insane. With more crashes and freezes than my PC, what’s all the hubbub bub?

Having said that, Steve knows ads. Remember the ones with Ellen Feiss? The one that made someone IM me with:

Oh, my god! Look at this chick! She's totally high!

Too funny. Well, as it turns out, she actually was…sorta.

(link via goatee style)

What? Going-away-presents? How thoughtful!

Wait, what are you saying? Congratulations-on-the-new-job-gifts?! you’re too kind!

Now just wait a gosh-darned (yeah, I said “gosh-darned”, deal with it) minute, early-Christmas-because-I’ll-be-moving-over-the-holidays-packages? Wow! That’s amazingly kind!

OK, that was uncalled for. In all seriousness, though, I owe several of you assorted prizes and gifts that I wasn’t otherwise able to get while unemployed. There are the winners and losers of the First Annual Kiss-Off, and some notable birthdays I need to catch up on. Not to mention my non-blog-enabled friends and family, re-paid loans, just-because gifts, and family holidays. It will take me awhile to get there… but I will.

Gummi Bear? They’ve been in my pocket. They’re real warm and soft.

Yes. Well as has been variously reported, yes I really did find a job. Yes that job really is in Canada. Yes that means I’ll be leaving my beloved California. And yes, my new favorite fake reason for leaving the US (supplied by ADG) is that as long as Bush is in office, I’m keeping well away. So there’s that.

The prospect of moving to another country (even if it is only Canada; and not, say, Uruguay) is simultaneously exciting and terrifying… though no terrifying in the sense that I feel any particular difficulties will arise, or that I’ll be unhappy, but terrifying in that I really like to know things about things, and I don’t know jack-shit about “immigration” or “who to call to get your phone turned on” and little details like that. All things that will be taken care of in due course, but it’s a little daunting to have to play a game you’re used to by a whole new set of rules.

I do look forward to calling myself a Canadian-American, though. Cheeky.

At any rate, Thanksgiving was awesome, and Austin, TX is so much better than the Wichita Falls (and to a lesser degree San Antonio) I used to live in. I was expecting cowboy hats and rampant ignorance, but instead found cosmopolitan liberality and beautiful settings. They do have a dangerously unhealthy predilection for college football, though; and, apparently I’m told that it’s excellent that UT beat Texas A&M; 50-20. UCSB not even having a football team, I have yet to catch the fever… but I’m learning.

To continue, I now know where Georgetown, Round Rock, and College Station are. I can discourse semi-intelligently about Barton Springs and Lake Travis; and nod wisely when Austin is referred to as “the live music capital of the world”. So there you go.

Hi, my name is David Kleeman, and I’m a ____holic

Well, let me apologize for my recent reticence (as if that’s necessary, I’m talking to myself in here). I’ve been (and am) in Austin, TX since last Monday, and computer access has been fairly sporadic since then. Not to mention that I’ve been in stomache-churningly stressful negotiations for the better part of a week. I didn’t get exactly what I wanted, but compromise is all about give and take, right?

SO, despite the fact that it is overwhelmingly pathetic that you, the faceless masses, should hear this before my friends do (both real and imagined): *insert trumpet fanfare* I have a job.

I have a job in Canada.

I have a job in Victoria, Canada.

Weid, wild stuff. I was officially unemployed for 315 days, and though I’m elated with the impending steady-income, I’m a little fearful of that whole “go to work everyday” concept. I hope they have Tivo in Canada, ’cause otherwise I’ll miss my two daily hours of M*A*SH!