floorpie

I saw an LA-mullet at lunch today, which is fairly rare considering the fashion-forward attitude that is pervasive in the LA Basin. It was blond, flowing, and accentuated by a mustache. I searched for traces of irony in the mulletee; like a “Yeah, I’m so in on the joke that it’s cool” type thing, but I detected none.

This baby was for real.

One of my good college friends had a mullet (and this is in the mid-90’s) which we relentlessly (and justifiably) tease him about. Personally, I was saved from the mullet, but not by my own choice. My hair is naturally-curly, though not in a Gene Wilder or Guy-From-Greatest-American-Hero sort of way… just enough so that it simply grows out, retaining it’s overall look and shape and increasing in volume. Though this, too, is a minor curse, it is much less than mulletood, I believe.

Therefore, back in the junior high days, when mom still cut the hair, I would refuse to let her touch the back. She would always try to linguistically trick me, agreeing that I indeed needed a hair cut, emphasizing certain words so that she would later be admonished if I accussed her of not telling me she really meant to just take a clipper to the back of my neck. I was always very careful, though, going so far as to hold my hand on the back of my head while she waited for the right opportunity.

Had I been more straight-haired, I undoubtedly would have had a glorious, waist-reaching mullet to be proud of, and shake my head at now. Instead, I just had big, big hair.

Even when it’s frustrating I still love the eBay. I’m not addicted or anything, selling Beanie Babies until my eyes gush blood. My rating is a respectable 19, though, with a snazzy little yellow star, so I’ve had more than a few transactions, both as buyer and seller.
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My latest acquisition (this monitor), is in great condition and comes to me at a very substantial savings. Really, how can you beat that? If only they sold the sex that way… or perhaps they do.

Though I can see wildly over-paying in a tunnel-vision frenzy. And so it goes. “$375.47 for what?! Plus SHIPPING? How does that work?!”

USA's Lance Armstrong will burn 110,000 calories, or 31 pounds, by race end. That's like me losing my fat, bulbous head

Seeing as I’m one of CNN’s top 20 sources for political commentary, I thought I’d chime-in a bit with some statistics and whatnot:

I am 100% not likely to vote for Bush. Thank you for your time.

Of actual interest is the Presidential Match Guide which, through a series of questions about actual political issues, shows you which candidate you are most aligned with, politically. This eliminates you making decisions based on Bush’s speech impediment (that impediment being the lack of abilty to speak) or Kerry’s un-patriotic three Purple Hearts. If nothing else, it justifies my gut feelings showing that I am 73% aligned with Kerry and 17% aligned with Bush (that 17% undoubtedly coming from the answers to the questions: “Do you breath air?” and “Will you vote for Bush in the next election?”). Check it out.

Presidential Match Guide
An Electoral Vote Predictor based on up to date polling data
Police officers discourage jay-walking pedestrian by shooting at them

I enabled my Blogger-profile with the express purpose of finding out how many posts I had written. Apparently, I have dropped 1,201 precious pearls of wisdom to you, The Masses. You’d think I’d be more popular considering that kind of output.

In those posts, I have written 148,373 words; or, as judging by the nearest book to me, enough for a decent-sized 375 page novel. Of course, it’s taken me 3 1/2 years to write said novel, but genius takes time to ferment… or so I’m told.

I’m not sure if this supports or destroys my semi-dream to be a cult short-story writer, but it does illustrate that I will need a lot of patience to write a full-on book. Three and a half years?! If I were ever to really attempt it, I would anticipate seeing something like this on or about page 24:

…her heaving busom glistening with the sheen of their passion, Angelica slowly slides her hands down Marco’s powerful chest, her fingers playfully dancing around the waistband of his tight jeans. Moaning softly, Angelica…

You know what? Forget it… the butler did it.

THE END

This is supposed to make me feel better?

So Count Floppy von-Flopalot is coming back to the fold. I loved him in his pre-flop days, the days of the Magic and Divac hug; but then he went to Charlotte, and quickly to Sacramento, and quickly became jaded… or maybe watched to many Utah Jazz films. “Hmmm, John Stockton throws himself on the ground a lot, and it seems to work for him… Maybe it’ll work for a giant like me, too!”

And let’s be honest, he’s not as dominant as he once was. He is a great passer, and a great play-creator. It’s just too bad the Lakers don’t have anyone to make the shots anymore (besides the obvious). No Fish, no Malone, no Fox (anymore), no anyone.

But still we will cheer.

In other news, ADG witnessed a robbery yesterday at lunch.

If you're curious, my new laptop

Jap Road to get name change

As reported on ascribe.org, incoming Duke freshman to receive free iPods

We saw Anchorman without you this weekend. I’m sorry. We wanted to see a funny movie, and that was the best one we could think of at the time. I know we didn’t call you, but it’s not because we were ignoring you or anything, it was just kinda a last minute thing, you know? Besides, I didn’t have your new cell phone number on me at the time, and you wouldn’t have wanted to come all the way out here anyway, right?

It was pretty funny seeing Luke Wilson quote John Wayne, though, when he said, “It’s getting to be re-goddamn-diculous” in response to his remaining arm getting severed off after having lost his first one earlier. It happens.

You know what else? Steve Carrel was hilarious. It’s a given, I think, that Will Ferrell was, but Steve continues to not disappoint. I almost laughed as hard as I did in that newscasting scene he did in Bruce Almighty. Wait a minute… newscasting? anchorman? the Daily Show? I’m sensing a pattern.

At any rate, it was good, we’re sorry you missed it. We’ll try and plan better next time…

Panoramic moonscape from the Appolo 11 lunar landing.
It may be time to drop the cash on an Ipod

I am a Pepsi afficionado. As such, I feel it is my duty to report on the new Pepsi Edge (who’s website, by the way, I found somewhat bewildering and completely un-entertaining, thereby illustrating that I am getting old and slipping out of the “cool” demographic).

At any rate, Pepsi Edge is apparently the same as regular Pepsi, just with 50% less sugar (and therefore carbs and calories) than “the average top 3 national regular colas.” Which, I assume are Pepsi, Coke, and… I don’t know, RC? Does Dr. Pepper count as a “cola”? Either way, a quick search reveals that the Edge does indeed have half of the sugars of my normal, beloved, Pepsi; which, in much the same way that clothes on sale mean you’re saving money, I can now drink twice as much Pepsi, relatively guilt-free.
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Assuming it tastes right.

Which it does! And there was much rejoicing.

Actually, it does taste slightly less-sweet than regular Pepsi, the sweetness being a common complaint amongst Coke drinkers. This could be completely psychosomatic though, as proven by my 11th grade American History teacher when she performed a blind taste test between what we all thought were Coke and Pepsi. People were adamant on both sides as to which was which, BUT (and this is the fun part) they were both actually RC. Shock and awe.

Eccentric genius Bobby Fischer detained in Japan
Americans done no read good
Jackass tries to throw fireworks out of a closed window

I’ve kept quiet on the Laker situation for some time now. I said

nothing when they were embarrassed in the Finals, when the Shaq trade

rumors started, when Phil left for literally greener pastures, when

Kobe might have been going to the Clippers. It seems now, though, that

things have settled a bit. The Diesel is on his way back home, putting

a cap on the worst trade decision in history. Remember the Showtime

Lakers? Remember 42-year old Kareem Abdul Jabbar? And you think Shaq is

dried up at 31? Poor judgement.

Kobe’s staying with the Lakers,

which is good news; but I’m surprised at the level of loyalty towards

someone who showed no loyalty back. Shaq = loyal. Kobe = conflicted.

And he didn’t step up when it counted.

The situation was so bad

that Phil Jackson quit coaching, leaving his long-term girlfriend

behind. I thought it was bad when Pat Riley moved across the country to

get away from Jerry Buss, but at least he’s still involved in the game.

It’s a sad day, my friends.

Art lover? Video game geek? Play Pac-Man on a Mondrian

Finally make Bush speak the truth

Chinese boys to be given a better chance to score chicks by 2010
Small update to the plates section with a co-worker submission. I have many more back-logged that I need to get to...

What the huh?

In response to a comment in the below, I thought I’d summarize the whole page being called Stuff and Stuff, and floorpie.net and etc, etc:

So ‘Stuff and Stuff’, originally (or at least, to the best of my recollection) was an idealized version of something I would say in my best SoCal moments. Something like, “Yeah, I need to go do some stuff… and also things.” Trust me, it’s all in the delivery… and quite possibly not funny even then.

The original title of the page was actually Baby and a Shotgun due to the extremely precious slide I found in the attic one day: